


The Golden Dreamer

by Cuwen



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M, Long, Pride and Prejudice References, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-01
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-14 06:00:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 37,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29787498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cuwen/pseuds/Cuwen
Summary: Mage/Former Templar. Even better: Dalish Mage/Former Templar. Cullen is such an amazing character. All the DA characters are amazing. I'm fascinated with Cullen and his backstory, though. Add a mage romance to his story, and it gets even better. I wanted to flesh out my Lavellan Inquisitor (Laurelin), the type I would have played if given more choices. I feel like my Inquisitor (Laurelin) should have struggled more in the beginning. Laurelin is also somewhat bratty at the beginning, and very Dalish. She loves her clan and all elves. She levels out later, though. I like starting with a flawed character and having them go through a journey. Very slight Solas/Inquisitor in the beginning.As she spends more time with the people in the Inquisition, she starts to realize that the human world is actually a lot different than she was raised to believe. Her beliefs start changing, which she really struggles with. I also love Pride and Prejudice. So, Cullen and Laurelin argue a lot in the beginning. They have a strong sexual chemistry, but they both fight it for different reasons. Also, I have a minor OC in this. She's just in the beginning, and helps to give Cullen an outlet. But she helps to give him more confidence.
Relationships: Female Inquisitor/Cullen Rutherford, Female Lavellan/Cullen Rutherford, Inquisitor/Cullen Rutherford, Inquisitor/Solas (Dragon Age), Lavellan/Cullen Rutherford
Comments: 4
Kudos: 12





	1. Where We Are Now

**Author's Note:**

> I alternate between Cullen's PoV and my Inquisitor's. I read that in some other stories, and I really like alternating PoVs between 2 main characters.
> 
> This is an intense, slow burn story. I love writing, and my stories are usually very long. You can skip to the intense scenes, but I do a lot of character development and setting the stage in the beginning. Then, once characters and situations are established, the action happens.
> 
> I use the timeline and sequence of events in DAI as a guide. You all have already played the game. This is how my character would have interacted with everything and everyone.
> 
> I also write with music. So, I will post what I listened to while writing some scenes. Please feel free to listen along as you read because if I post a song, then that song really helped me set the scene.

**"Andraste save me..."**

A low, dangerous growl escaped through the tightly-clenched jaw. A large, gloved hand gripped the hilt of a sword so tightly that a creaking sound could be heard from the leather, a tangible reflection of the control he felt peeling off of him second by second. The sound would normally have been lost in the noise of Haven, but everyone was so quiet that it seemed to echo against the canvas of the nearby tents. The soldiers, and several villagers, were circled around the tall, broad-shouldered man who was usually so calm and collected. His normally-pale complexion was flushed bright red. The soldiers couldn't tell if it was from exertion or from the sheer effort it took to keep his anger reigned in and maintain some semblance of the control he needed. 

The intimidating blonde-haired commander was pacing slowly in front of a tall and slender raven-haired elf with his sword pointed down at her feet. He was about 5 feet in front of her. Normally, the situation would seem abusive, but the fire that was flashing in the dark-green eyes of the woman spoke of anything other than a meek or scared individual. She held a long, deep-brown staff rigidly in front of her and her large, sharp eyes focused in on every move the commander made. The air around her shined from the barrier she had placed.

**"You need to learn how to attack... You need to learn how to deal damage to your enemies! Your barriers will only get you so far. Why is this so hard for you to grasp?!"**

The commander's voice had started out low, measured, but it had gained in volume the longer he spoke. He felt like he kept having the same conversation with her ever since last week, when they had been in the Hinterlands and the Herald had only cast barriers. Sure, she had closed the rift, but she hadn’t actually fought anything. She just wanted to protect everyone. So, Cullen knew he’d have to teach her how to fight properly. He had no idea why she had such problems attacking, and she refused to tell him. The Herald and the Commander had already butted heads numerous times in the War Room. So, he had thought at the time that he was the right person to train her. He wasn’t intimidated by her being the Herald, and he didn’t worship her. So, he thought it was a great idea for him to be the one to teach her hand-to-hand combat.

Now, here he was, trying to get the most stubborn woman in Thedas to listen to him.

When the Herald said nothing and only continued to follow him with her eyes, the man growled again. Maker's breath... he was trying so hard to keep his temper under control. He  _ needed  _ to keep his anger under control. But this woman set his blood boiling like he hadn't experienced in so long. The way her brain reasoned drove him crazy.

**"You can't simply rely on your fellow companions to do all the attacking. What if they become surrounded and fall, and you are the only one left among enemies? Do you really think your barrier is going to last long enough or be strong enough to get you to safety? You'd be overwhelmed in seconds! Can't you at least cast a blasted fireball?!"**

He bent forward slightly to gesture to her with his free hand. **"You die, we die! Maker knows why, but you are the ONLY one who can close these blasted rifts. We lose you, we lose the only means we have to keep Thedas from being overrun by demons."**

A perfectly-arched dark eyebrow ticked up on the woman's face, and a low, soft voice came out of her lips. **"You have such little faith in your Inquisition forces, Commander?"**

A few of the soldiers nearby winced and stepped back a few paces. They were not used to their commander entertaining such back talk or attitude. They braced themselves for the eventual roar of fury.

Instead, they were treated to a deep, humorless chuckle. The commander had stopped, closed his eyes, and was shaking his head. He pinched the bridge of his nose with his free gloved hand. The Maker must have an ironic sense of humor. He was relying on an ex-templar to convince a mage to use her offensive magic.

Finally, Cullen opened his eyes and fixed his heated, irritated gaze on the elven woman. Glowing golden eyes met bright, focused, green ones.

He wanted to growl that he had little faith in HER, but he couldn't disparage the Herald in front of others. They needed to believe in her. They needed hope and needed to believe that they had a fighting chance against the green tears in the sky that were spewing forth floods of demons. Soldiers fought harder when they had  someone they believed could make the world better, could defeat the evil that was trying to gain a foothold in  Thedas .

Also, in all reality, he  _ did  _ have faith in her. He had talked with her numerous times in the past, and he had seen her interact with people outside the Inquisition. Even though they fought most of the time, he had been impressed by her. 

Laurelin jutted her sharp chin out slightly in defiance. Her voice was strong, but it had a tinge of an ethereal resonance to it.

**"I assure you, Commander, that my barriers are stronger than your average Circle Mage's. They would most certainly last long enough for me to escape safely, as well as my allies."**

Cullen hadn't moved since he had fixed his eyes on her. His gaze didn't waver. Finally, making a decision, he stepped (more liked stalked) toward the tall, lithe woman. He was only inches away from her now. He started focusing on the area around him, accessing the  lyrium that still coursed through his blood, not having completely stopped, yet. Cassandra was slowly weaning him off. He started to focus on the Fade, and he could feel the Herald drawing on its power to create the barrier around her. It had been a while since he had used his abilities, and, indeed, her barrier was quite strong, stronger than what he was used to. He had, however, experienced more than enough magic that was outside of the Circle's typical fare, something the Herald was likely unaware of. She had also cast her barrier over him several times while they were in the Hinterlands. He was familiar with it.

Cullen focused on the thread that connected Laurelin and the Fade. It took more focus, but finally, Cullen used his abilities to cut the thread and shut off her access to the Fade. He did all of this without having to move an inch. The Herald gasped sharply.

The soldiers’ eyes kept snapping between both Cullen and Laurelin, wondering who was going to move first. They were staring daggers at each other. Cullen may have cut off the Herald’s access to the Fade, but the air still seemed to spark with magic around them.

Suddenly, both seemed to move at the same time. Cullen swung his sword at her shoulder, which Laurelin countered immediately with her sharp elven reflexes by thrusting her staff out in front of her, blocking his sword. Expecting this from the beginning, Cullen quickly unsheathed the dagger from the back of his belt and jabbed it toward her vulnerable hip, the one she was not blocking access to with her staff. He stopped the last moment before it could pierce her skin. He rested the cold, flat part of his blade against her bare hip to serve as a vivid reminder for her in the future. His gloved fingers that were gripping the dagger’s hilt brushed against Laurelin’s hip bone. He also needed to educate her on proper armor and protecting her vital areas. The shirt she had purchased from the camp’s armor merchant covered her torso, but it tapered down to a V over her stomach, leaving the upper part of her hips completely exposed. He hadn’t noticed her clothing earlier because her cloak had covered her.

He felt Laurelin flinch, her hip muscles tensing just slightly under his fingers and the cold blade. That and her eyes widening were the only changes Cullen noticed in her body. He leaned forward until his lips were near her ear. When he spoke, his voice was low but more in control than it had been moments ago.

**“And that, Herald, is why you need more than barrier magic. If you were familiar with using the increased focus it takes to cast offensive magic, you’d be able to draw on more of the Fade and attack me. If you were experienced in hand-to-hand combat, you’d be able to push me away.”**

A flush started to faintly creep up Laurelin’s neck and face. Finally, a sign that she was getting angry. Well, Cullen assumed the flush was from anger. He could work with anger. 

Suddenly, Cullen started feeling increased energy around him. He instantly recognized the Fade energy but he didn’t understand how she was still accessing it. At first, it just started to snap and crackle around him. But a few moments later, the energy shifted and slammed into him, taking his breath away and shoving him away aggressively.

Breathing heavily, trying to catch his breath, Cullen just stared at Laurelin in awe and utter confusion. How was she able to do that when he had cut off her access to the Fade? Sure, he wasn’t as strong as he used to be due to his decreased intake of lyrium, but he should have still been able to stop her barrier magic.

Something shifted in Laurelin’s eyes. She almost looked... uncertain, worried for a moment? He could also see that her own breathing had increased, if the rise and fall of her chest was any indication. As soon as he realized where his eyes were, he quickly averted them back to her eyes. As if a drape had been pulled over them, her eyes darkened and she strode over to Cullen, her staff carelessly hung loosely at her side.

Laurelin leaned up to whisper in Cullen’s ear, as he had already straightened back up to his full height once more, **“You can’t separate the Fade so easily from a Dalish elf, Commander.”**

As Laurelin slowly pulled away, some of her hair brushed Cullen’s cheek. Cullen turned his head to look at her, and his eyes locked on to her deep green ones. Whenever he looked into her eyes, he could feel something... old there. Something from another, ancient time. He hadn’t encountered many  Dalish elves in the past, as they rarely came in contact with humans. He had most certainly received basic information on them, as every templar did. But being able to look into one’s eyes, to feel their magic flowing around and inside of him, was an entirely different experience altogether.

It didn’t take him long to recover, however, as his decades of templar training made his reflexes second-to-none. He sheathed his dagger, and Laurelin took one step away from him, still facing him. Cullen quickly swung out with his sword, knocking her loosely-gripped staff away from her. It was fulfilling to see the look of shock in  _ her  _ eyes now. As she twisted around to follow the path of her staff, like Cullen had anticipated, he placed his hand on her waist and used her momentum to finish spinning her around and pulled her back against his armored chest. His hand accidentally slipped slightly under the V of her shirt in the motion. He kept his hand on her waist, however, to keep her in place. The hand that still grasped his sword came up to hold the sword below her chin, though he held it a good distance away.

Cullen’s mouth was already close to Laurelin’s ear, so he simply had to lower his voice. Its deep resonance echoed throughout his chest and vibrated against her back.

**“And you still need to work on your hand-to-hand combat, Herald. Never let your guard down, and never keep anything but a firm grip on your weapon.”**

Cullen tried to ignore how perfectly her body fit along his, how he could feel the hum of magic flowing through her, the strong muscles flexing under his hand on her stomach, or how wonderful her hair smelled. There were hints of elfroot, the nearby trees, and... something he couldn’t identify. Something spicy, just like she had smelled in the Hinterlands that one glorious morning.

They both stayed frozen like that for what seemed like minutes, though was likely only a few moments. And, then, at the same moment, they both snapped back to reality. He withdrew his hands from her, as if she had burned him. She immediately took a step away from him and swung around, hissing at him. She actually hissed at him, as if she were a wild animal. When his wide eyes met her flashing ones, he wasn’t entirely sure that he was  _ not  _ dealing with something that was closer to nature than human.

As Cullen was sheathing his sword, he noticed Solas standing at the outer edge of the gathered soldiers and villagers. When had he arrived? Cullen usually noticed movement nearby, and he should have noticed when Solas joined the crowd.

Solas inclined his head slightly toward the commander, as if in silent communication. He had spoken with Solas a few times over the past few months, so he felt that at least the elf wasn’t a complete stranger. There was just... something about him, though, that made Cullen think that no matter how many conversations they had, he would never be able to fully know the man.

Cullen looked at the people surrounding the training area and sighed, **“Alright, show’s over. Men! Back to practice. Rylen, take over. Make sure they don’t slack off. They’ve had plenty of down time the past hour.”**

Rylen saluted, **“Ser! Alright men! You know the drill. Grab your sword and shield and pair up! Now!”**

Cullen’s and Laurelin’s eyes met each other, **“Well, I think Solas is ready to begin your offensive magical training, Herald. I’m impressed you’re training on that again today after you already worked with Solas this morning.”**

Laurelin looked over her shoulder and noticed Solas. She turned back, looked at Cullen, and nodded. **“I guess he is. Have a good evening, Commander.”**

They both exited the training area, toward the village gate. Laurelin bent to pick up her staff as the soldiers were rushing to grab their weapons and shields and take up proper training formation. Solas met them as soon as they reached the steps at the gate. 

Cullen nodded to Solas. **“Good evening, Solas.”**

Solas bowed his head slightly to the commander, **“Good evening, Commander. From what I was able to see, it looks as if training is going... as well as can be expected.”**

Before Cullen could respond, Laurelin scoffed. **“Yes, I know. I have such a loooong way to go. I get it. Can we leave, please, Solas? Good night, Commander.”**

Cullen sighed and nodded to Laurelin and Solas. **“Good evening, Herald, Solas. I will see you tomorrow morning in the War Room, Herald.”**

Cullen turned and left. He reached his gloved hand up and pinched the bridge of his nose while he continued on the path toward his tent. Normally he would have headed to the tavern to have a quick meal while going over reports, but he would simply send for a meal to be delivered to his tent tonight. He was far too exhausted to be around the noise and atmosphere of the tavern tonight. His body  ached, his blood cried for lyrium... He just wanted to collapse.

The two men who were standing guard outside his tent, as they did every evening, saluted him. He nodded to them as he passed into his tent, though he barely was able to acknowledge them, which wasn’t always like him. He knew they were aware when he had had a particularly-trying day. 

Cullen immediately started to unbuckle his belt that held his sword and dagger and placed it onto his table, leaning his fists on the table afterward. He hung his head, and sighed.

**“Well, that was definitely entertaining.”**

The voice came from behind him. Normally, Cullen would have immediately been on the defensive at the sound of a voice in his tent, but he had expected the presence after seeing her in the crowd around the practice area earlier. He didn’t even raise his head to look at her, but he did slowly shake it.

**“I’m glad I could provide an amusing show for you....”**

Cullen reached one of his hands up and began rubbing the back of his neck again where a deep, familiar ache was beginning to manifest and spread up into the base of his skull. He heard the rustle of a skirt behind him and then felt warm, familiar hands begin to massage his neck after pushing his hand away gently. Her low, deep voice was as soothing as her hands’ motions were.

**“You know how I like to watch you in action. You are quite impressive, Commander.”**

Cullen couldn’t stop the small smirk from forming at the corner of his mouth when he heard the hint of humor in the woman’s voice.

**“Rosa...”**

The woman shushed Cullen immediately. **“Shhh. Just relax, Love. You are always on alert and keep such a tight rein on yourself, on everything. You don’t have to do that in here, not with me. That’s why I’m here, remember?”**

Cullen allowed himself to relax into Rosa’s hands for a few minutes before he sighed, straightened up, and turned around to look at the former village merchant. He sat on the edge of his desk and cupped her smooth face in his large, calloused hands. She had an olive complexion with dark brown hair that framed her face. She had a surprisingly smooth complexion for a villager, but she had run a potions and salves shop before the Conclave. Now, she mixed her own potions to help Adan supply the Inquisition. That was how Cullen had met her shortly after he had arrived at Haven. He had gone to Adan’s shop to inspect the local source of potions that his soldiers would need and had encountered the spitfire that was Rosa. She had instantly been attracted to him physically and had told him so, which had quite embarrassed the Commander. Thankfully, Adan had been at the Chantry talking with Josephine at the time. She had teased him, kindly, and they had instantly developed a repour. While he didn’t feel a romantic attraction to her, he did appreciate how talking with her seemed to alleviate some of the stress he built up throughout the day and momentarily kept the images of his past at bay.

He never would have taken advantage of that, or her. On his third trip to the shop, however, Rosa had invited him to back to her cabin for some “privacy”, as she had put it. Cullen had gotten so flustered and tongue tied that he couldn’t form a complete sentence and nearly dropped the potion that he had been holding at the time, which only served to endear him to Rosa further apparently. Once he had managed to find his wits and calm down slightly, he reassured her that while he found her attractive, he couldn’t involve himself with someone. He told her it was because of the war, but he knew it was really because he couldn’t involve anyone else in his shattered life. Maker, he couldn’t even sleep through the night without waking up in terror from the continuous nightmares he had, drenched in sweat. Not to mention that he was weaning himself off of  lyrium with Cassandra’s assistance. He had to keep a tight rein on his life. He had to keep control over his life and stick to a specific routine so that he wouldn’t be tempted to wander off a dangerous path back toward dependence on  lyrium .

Thankfully, Rosa hadn’t seemed insulted. However, when he came back to the shop the next few days, Rosa always finished off their brief visits with an invitation to her cabin, which Cullen had politely, and embarrassingly, declined.

About a week after her first proposition, on a day Cullen had come to her shop particularly stressed and worn, Rosa propositioned him again. She had realized that Cullen was the chivalrous type, so she assured him that she was not looking for a romantic relationship and that he would not be taking advantage of her. She just wanted to have some fun and was quite attracted to him and the fact that he was the Commander of an army. She also thought it would be a good outlet for him.

He tried to argue with her, but she simply told him to stop thinking for once, just to let himself go and take the opportunity to shut his brain off for awhile. The very thought sounded so unheard of but also so good to him that he had allowed her to slowly kiss him and bring him inside to her back room of the potions shop.

And that’s how it had begun. Rosa had been correct. The brief distractions, the reprieve he had from all of his responsibilities and the death grip he maintained on his control while he was with Rosa was something he had come to need. It actually allowed him to maintain focus and control better throughout the rest of the day. He didn’t share anything extremely personal, like his  lyrium addiction or his nightmares, and he never allowed her to spend the night with him. They both seemed content with the arrangement, however, both of them getting something they needed in the moment.

Cullen looked at Rosa’s light brown eyes. Pretty, yes, but his mind kept flashing back to deep green ones that had gold streaks woven in, ones that sang with magic and something else, something ancient that Cullen couldn’t identify but desperately wanted more of. He tried to focus on Rosa, stay in the present with her. He couldn’t help but still feel as if he was using her, but she had reassured him numerous times in the past that if he was using her, she was using him just as much for her own pleasures. 

Rosa arched an eyebrow at him and cocked her head slightly in his hands, **“So that's the Herald of Andraste? An elf? Maker... that’s definitely unexpected. It looks like you have your work cut out for you.”**

As Rosa reached up to brush an errant curl of blond hair from Cullen’s temple, Cullen winced and turned his head away slightly. **“Rosa... please. I don’t want to talk about... that. I just... if you are still certain about this arrangement, I would just like to forget... I just want this moment....”**

Rosa gently turned Cullen’s head so that he was looking at her again. She smirked softly at him and then leaned forward to press her lips against Cullen’s.

Almost immediately, Cullen’s grip on her face tightened and he tilted her head so that he had better access to deepen the kiss. He turned them around so that he could prop her up on the table. With a desperateness that always seemed present when he was with Rosa, he started tugging the tunic off of her shoulders and trailed his lips to the top of her right shoulder and down to her collarbone. He heard Rosa’s gasp and felt her hands reach up to cradle the back of his head and dig her fingers in his hair.

When they first began their arrangement, Cullen was afraid he was too rough with her. He quickly learned, however, that she actually preferred him this way. She said something about it having to do with him being a commander and appreciating someone not treating her like some delicate flower. Cullen was more than happy to oblige, though he still made sure he stopped himself from going too far with his aggressiveness. And he always made sure they were as quiet as possible so that no one outside would hear them.

That was how Cullen spent the rest of his evening, releasing the anger and frustration he had built up earlier and trying not to let his mind wander to deep green eyes and pitch-black raven hair. 


	2. 3 Weeks Ago

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The next few chapters will take place 3 weeks prior to the first chapter, after Laurelin wakes up after attempting to close the Breach.

Laurelin was clothed in a dark brown cloak with the hood pulled up over her head as she slowly made her way to the large Chantry building. The cloak was to hide herself from the staring humans. It was bad enough being an elf with the intricate vallalsin to honor Sylaise. Add that to her being the Herald of Andraste now, and the stares were almost overwhelming. 

Everything about this place unnerved her. The sounds assaulted her ears: metal swords crashing against each other while the soldiers practiced, incessant talking from people spread throughout the camp, yelling coming from a nearby building that had a faint scent of mead coming from it. She stayed close to the edges of the camp, nearest the trees and scattered elfroot, the only things that reminded her of home and were familiar to her. 

She thankfully made it to the wooden doors of the large building without drawing any undue attention, unlike the day before when people had lined her path and whispered all around her, calling her by something that wasn’t her name. She had recognized the name Andraste, of course, but why were they calling her Andraste’s herald? She couldn’t help but jump and pull back when people occasionally reached out to her. She was used to avoiding shemlen touch completely. Her clan taught that if a shem tried to touch you, it was to harm you. She had been so overwhelmed, still weak and dazed from trying to stabilize the large breach in the sky, that she had no strength to deal with it. She had quickly turned right around and ran back into the wooden building that she had woken up in, slamming the door behind her. She had gone straight back to bed, curled her arms around her legs, and began to rock. She kept praying to Sylaise that this was all some bizarre dream, but she knew better. She knew the difference between being in a Fade dream and reality. This all felt far too real. The large green gash in her hand alone throbbed painfully enough to constantly remind her that she was indeed awake and everything was indeed real. 

Solas had come in later that day to try and talk with her. He had also brought her some broth and a drink mixture of herbs and other plants. He was the only one that she felt comfortable around, being that he was an elf as well, even if he did look down on the Dalish. She had spoken briefly with him but had started to fade after she had attempted to drink her broth while he spoke with her. She was so overwhelmed and tired. Solas had told her to get some sleep and that he would walk her to the Chantry building the next day. He had come back later that evening, though, just to check on her. He had found her awake, and they had spent the next several hours talking. 

Well, she had woken up the next day feeling much better after the needed sleep. She was quite embarrassed for her actions the day before, for both herself and her clan. The sleep had seemed to center her thoughts and given her clarity. 

Keeper Deshanna would have been so ashamed of Laurelin’s weak behavior. She had let a few shems overwhelm her and scare her. She wasn’t weak. She was the First of clan Lavellan. She was descended from the rulers of the Dales. She would act like it. She would bring no further shame to her clan. She would bravely conduct her duty to close the breach, as she apparently was the only one who could do so, and then return home to her beloved clan. This may not have been the Keeper’s original plan, but she knew that she had to do what she could to help the shemlens and, really, everyone who was affected by the breaches. Her job in the clan was protector and healer. She would not shirk her duty now. She would protect those in her charge. Surely that was The Creators’ will in all of this? 

Now, she found herself standing in front of the two large wooden doors to the Chantry on her own. She took a deep breath, placed her pale hands on the doors, and pushed. She couldn’t stop the gasp that escape her lips as she looked at the enormous hall in front of her. The candles cast a golden hue, and there were a few people milling about, some talking to each other in hushed whispers, and some on their knees praying, an action Laurelin recognized from her own people. 

Laurelin tried to ignore the stares that followed her as she walked down the hall, forcing herself to keep her head held high. Her dark-brown knee-high boots softly made contact with the floor. The boots had been left in the corner of her room along with tight cream-colored cloth pants and a dark blue long-sleeved tunic (again, quite form fitting). How did the shems get anything done in this restrictive clothing? She deeply missed her free-flowing robes. Alas, she had left them at home. In their place had been simple-yet-rugged traveling clothes she had chosen to go to the Conclave in. She briefly wondered what had happened to them after she stabilized the large breach and subsequently passed out for 3 days. 

Laurelin only removed her hood when she entered the War Room, as Solas had called it. He had also told her of Chancellor Roderick’s statements earlier to Cassandra, assuming that Laurelin was guilty and had killed everyone at the Conclave. Solas told her that Cassandra had overruled his order to have Laurelin brought in for a trial and that Leliana had said he was as much a suspect as anyone else. When Laurelin had heard that... well, an odd sensation had settled in her stomach. At the time, she had still been racked with nerves and exhaustion, but that didn’t stop her from feeling something akin to thankfulness to the two women. She never would have expected shemlens to defend her. She was so surprised that she hadn’t thought to ask Solas how he knew all of this. 

After Laurelin had turned back around from closing the War Room doors behind her, she noticed that Cassandra, the most familiar of those in the room, was at the left end of the table. Beside her was the woman Leliana, who Laurelin had met briefly the day Cassandra had brought her back to the Temple of Sacred Ashes to try and close the large breach in the sky. 

Beside Leliana was a tall man she actually didn’t recognize. He was quite tall and wore heavy armor. Well, that likely meant he was somehow involved with the forces here. And beside him was a woman with a beautiful complexion, one she had never seen before. Her skin was a lovely dark shade. She didn’t want to be rude and stare, but the woman was very attractive. 

**“Andaran Atish'an, Herald.”** And she even spoke elven! She was one human Laurelin might enjoy getting to know. 

Laurelin smiled brightly at the woman. **“You speak elven?”**

The woman shook her head. **“You’ve just heard the entirety of it, I’m afraid.”**

Laurelin nodded but remained smiling. **“I appreciate the gesture all the same.”**

Cassandra cleared her throat. **“Good morning, Herald. This is Lady Josephine Montilyet, our ambassador and chief diplomat.”**

Josephine tilted her head toward Laurelin. **“A pleasure. It is wonderful to meet you at last.”**

Laurelin nodded. **“Yes. It is an honor to meet you. I apologize for not being here yesterday as I had planned. I still was not feeling well.”**

Leliana spoke up. **“It is quite alright, Herald. I’m sure it is overwhelming being thrust into the spotlight like you have been.”**

Cassandra spoke again. **“You, of course, know Sister Leliana.”**

Laurelin wasn’t sure why Cassandra called her sister. Was she part of the Chantry? She didn’t look like the other sisters she had seen in the past in the villages. 

Leliana began to speak. **“My position here involves a degree of…”**

Cassandra finished her sentence for her, **“She is our spymaster.”**

Leliana looked briefly at Cassandra. **“Yes. Tactfully put, Cassandra.”**

Ah! A spy. That would explain her attire. A spy would be very beneficial to their cause. 

Laurelin smiled softly. At least these humans didn’t appear to be arrogant or cruel. In fact, they rather sounded like Laurelin and her friends did when they spoke to each other. Granted, Laurelin had just met them, but, so far, she actually liked them. 

Finally, Cassandra gestured to the tall blonde man standing across the table from Laurelin. 

**“May I present Commander Cullen, leader of the Inquisition’s forces.”**

Cullen nodded his head to Laurelin. **“Such as they are. We lost many soldiers in the valley, and I fear many more before this is through.”**

Laurelin tilted her head to the side as she studied the commander and processed his words, though she did not respectfully to him. She was glad to hear him acknowledge the loss of his men. That meant they were important to him and he valued their lives. That was one of the most important things, Laurelin believed, a commander should feel. She hadn’t expected such compassion from a shem commander, though. Time would tell if he could be an effective leader. 

Laurelin looked around the War Table at the different faces, now more familiar with their roles. This seemed like a good group of individuals to lead the Inquisition. They had a humble and compassionate commander, a beautiful diplomat to speak with the nobles, a spymaster, and... Cassandra. She wasn’t certain what role Cassandra played in all of this, be she found herself pleased by her presence. She was a no-nonsense shem and expressed her opinions open and honestly. 

Laurelin nodded to them. **“It is an honor to meet you all. I’m certain Leliana has informed you of my history, but please allow me to formally introduce myself. My name is Laurelinden. You may call me Laurelin, though, as I’m sure it is easier for you to pronounce. I am the First of Clan Lavellan and healer to my people.”**

She sighed and looked down at the table nervously. She didn’t like revealing her weaknesses, especially to shems, but she felt that it was vital they were honest with each other if they were to close the breach successfully. 

**“I... I am not entirely comfortable around humans, I will admit. I am doing my best to improve upon that, however. I ask that you inform me of any mistakes I might make concerning your culture and customs, as I do not know much about either. If we are to work well together, I believe it is important you know this.”**

She looked at Cassandra and Leliana. **“Solas also told me of what you both said to the chancellor yesterday on my behalf. I wanted to thank you for that. I am not used to such kindness from humans.”**

Cassandra nodded sharply, though Leliana looked confused. Was she wondering how Solas knew of their conversation yesterday? She had assumed Solas had been present in the War Room to hear everything. 

Laurelin continued. **“To be efficient with our time, may we first address any ideas we have to close the breach?”**

Cassandra responded immediately and succinctly, **“Your Mark needs more power to close the breach for good.”**

Laurelin flexed her hand that had the Mark on it. It already ached, but it didn’t matter. The only thing that mattered was closing the breach. She nodded in agreement with Cassandra’s assessment. 

What Leliana said next, though, completely shocked Laurelin, **“Which means we must approach the rebel mages for help.”**

The rebel mages? The very mages who had been trained within the confines of the Circle, never knowing their own true potential? The mages who had escaped and had no self-control or real knowledge of how to properly use magic? That was definitely not a good idea. But, the Dalish didn’t have enough mages to be able to charge the Mark enough to close the breach. Not all of them would want to help, anyway. Many clans didn’t even want to involve themselves in the human world. Keeper Deshanna was more forward thinking and realized that what happened with the humans affected the Dalish as well. That’s why she had sent Laurelin to the Conclave. 

The Commander spoke next, **“And I still disagree. The templars could serve just as well.”**

Laurelin laughed in her mind and rubbed her temples. templars? Now the rebel mages were sounding like a good choice... Surely there was another option... As the Dalish history proved, the templars, under the orders of the Chantry, were a large reason as to why the Dalish were now separated into several small clans. They now had to make sure they didn’t draw the templars’ attention. 

The advisors started to argue, causing Laurelin to sigh softly. But then, the commander said something that made Laurelin completely freeze. 

**“I was a templar. I know what they’re capable of.”**

Laurelin’s gaze slowly rose to look at the man across the table from her. The commander of the Inquisitor’s army... used to be a templar? And could any templar ever be a former templar? Now his height and built made sense. He was the epitome of a templar. He was tall, so he could tower over people and intimidate them. He looked strong, so he could toss people around if they ever tried to fight against him. 

Laurelin wrapped her arms around herself, though she tried to make it look casual, not like a comforting gesture. Her eyes shifted over to the female advisors. They willingly allowed a templar to run the Inquisition’s army? She didn’t know what to make of this. 

Josephine interrupted her thoughts, **“Unfortunately, neither group will even speak to us yet. The Chantry has denounced the Inquisition – and you, specifically, Herald.”**

Laurelin nodded. **“I gathered as much from Solas. Does it really matter, though? We can simply gather support from other groups. I’m not sure it would be a good idea to align ourselves with the Chantry.”**

She tried to keep her personal thoughts to herself since Leliana was part of the Chantry. The spymaster surprised Laurelin, however, with what she said. 

**“If only that were possible, “** Leliana replied. 

So Leliana no longer supported the Chantry? Is that what she was implying? 

There was no time to think about it because Josephine spoke up again, **“Some are calling you – a Dalish elf – the 'Herald of Andraste.’ That frightens the Chantry. The remaining clerics have declared it blasphemy, and we heretics for harboring you. It limits our options. Approaching the mages or templars for help is currently out of the question.”**

Laurelin winced when Josephine called her the Herald. She hated that title. But she needed to get used to it. She could care less about the Chantry’s opinion of her. It’s not like she believed in the Maker, anyway. And even though the Chantry could provide significant support and open doors for them, Laurelin thought it would be best for the Inquisition to forge their own path. But she was new to all of this, so it wasn’t her place to say. 

**“Solas told me what the title meant. I don’t necessarily care for it, but I don’t think that really makes a difference.”**

The commander nodded. **“The Chantry has decided that for you, it seems.”**

Laurelin looked at the map on the table and frowned. She didn’t know how to respond to the commander. Was he siding with the Chantry since he is, according to him, a former templar? But wouldn’t he have left the Inquisition if he sided with them? He was still here with the rest of the Inquisition, even after the Chantry called everyone within the Inquisition heretics. This was all just so... much. But she would NOT run away again. 

Leliana said something that Laurelin really hadn’t considered before, **“People are desperate for a sign of hope. For some, you’re that sign, Herald.”**

**“So... if what I supposedly represent gives people hope... that would likely inspire them to help our efforts in closing the breach, correct?”**

Cassandra nodded. **“Yes, which is why we haven’t stopped that view from spreading.”**

Leliana nodded. “ **Everyone is talking about you.”**

Laurelin tightened her arms over her chest. She hated this. She didn’t like being the center of attention amongst humans. She wanted to be back home. But, if people believed she was the Herald of Andraste and it inspired them to help the Inquisition and gave them hope, then it was her duty to go along with it. 

Laurelin sighed softly and nodded. **“Alright, then.”**

The meeting continued from there. Laurelin was informed of Mother Giselle and was tasked with the mission of talking with her in the Hinterlands. A Dalish elf talking with a Mother from the Chantry? If only her Keeper could see her now... 


	3. The Argument

After the War Room meeting, Cassandra took her to the camp’s merchant and helped her purchase things she would need for their trip to the Hinterlands. Thankfully it wasn’t far, but they would be there for  a while .

After shopping, Cassandra had gone to Laurelin’s cabin to help her pack up the things they bought. Cassandra had some things of her own that she wanted to give to Laurelin for the trip, including a  book on human customs... At least that’s how she described Varric’s  book Swords & Shields.

As they were packing, Laurelin got to know the Seeker, asking her questions and answering some of Cassandra’s own. Laurelin found herself enjoying Cassandra’s company. She was always honest and got straight to the point. Laurelin never had to guess what Cassandra was thinking or how she was feeling. And she was so dedicated to her role in the Inquisition. Laurelin could relate to that, as she was equally as dedicated to her role as the First in her clan.

Laurelin was packing some of her healing items into a couple of different small satchels.

**“So, Cassandra, how was everyone selected for the Inquisition? You mentioned that you and Leliana were Divine Justinia’s right and left hands, but how do the others fit into this?”**

**“Well, Leliana has been close friends with Josephine for many years. So, she recruited her. I knew Commander Cullen was a strong leader but that he no longer believed in what the Chantry or templars were doing to the mages. He... has some demons in him. I will not share his private information, but I believed that a fresh start would be the perfect option for him. And I knew he would be an excellent commander of our forces.”**

Laurelin frowned. **“But how can someone be a** **_former_ templar? Aren’t the beliefs and behaviors trained into them until you cannot separate the person from their role, their duty?” **

Cassandra paused packing the large rucksack on the bed. She was quiet for a few moments before she nodded slowly and spoke. 

**“Yes, that is true in most cases. It takes a very strong individual to not only see the problems that were developing in the templar organization but to also choose to break free from it. That is why Commander Cullen is the correct choice to lead our army. His second in command, Rylen, also chose to leave the templars and follow Commander Cullen to the Inquisition. Commander Cullen inspires loyalty.”**

Laurelin sighed and brought the satchels over to her bed, throwing them next to the rucksack Cassandra was packing. She was starting to respect Cassandra, so could what she was saying be correct? But how could Laurelin possibly hope to separate her beliefs on and knowledge of templars from Commander Cullen?

**“I know it must be difficult to be near templars after what they have done in the past to the Dalish and other mages, but the Inquisition is separate from all of that. We are not templars and Chantry. We are not Circle mages. We are independent of such organizations. Divine Justinia’s original purpose for the Inquisition was to form a peace between the templars and the mages. But now, with your help, we are focused on closing the breach in the sky. The other groups are too busy fighting amongst themselves to do anything to save Thedas. They have lost their way.”**

Laurelin sighed and sat down on a nearby chair. **“I am not particularly connected to mages outside of the Dalish. I really have no feelings on them other than that I do believe they can be dangerous since they were never really taught their true potential and now have no one to guide them. However, the templars....”**

Laurelin looked down at her hands. **“You are correct in my feelings on them for what they have done to the** **Dalish in the past.”**

Cassandra spoke matter of factly, **“You should speak to Commander Cullen yourself and then form your opinion. Do not base your opinion of him on your former experiences with templars.”**

Well... that was quite a good idea, actually. She was discovering why Cassandra had been the Divine’s hand. She was very good at seeing problems and discovering solutions to them. She had very good ideas and didn’t mince words or beat around the bush.

**“That is a good idea. I will indeed do that later. Thank you, Cassandra.”**

She stood up and began packing with Cassandra again. As she did so, she looked over at the Seeker and smiled softly. She wasn’t certain, but she thought she saw Cassandra give her a small one of her own.

\--- Later that evening ---

Laurelin and Cassandra had finished packing that afternoon. They were ready to travel to the Hinterlands tomorrow. So, she had convinced herself that with the free time she had, she would speak to the commander that evening. That was why she now found herself standing behind Commander Cullen, trying to decide how to approach him. Her stomach was clenching and turning being so near a templar... a  _ former t _ emplar. She had to keep reminding herself of that.

She cleared her throat and spoke to Cullen, **“Good evening, Commander.”**

Cullen turned around and had a surprised look on his face when he saw it was Laurelin who had spoken to him. **“Herald! Good evening. Welcome to the training area for our soldiers.”**

Cullen held out his hand toward the area next to him, so Laurelin slowly stepped forward until she was standing next to him.

**“You... have an impressive force, Commander. I was noticing that the day we were closing the rifts.”**

She kept her eyes forward and couldn’t see Cullen’s face. **“Well, thank you for saying so, Herald. These are good men and women. I do hope we get more recruits. We are less likely to lose many people if we have more fighters.”**

And there was his concern again, concern he had for his soldiers. He indeed saw them as people and cared about them surviving. They weren’t mere pawns for him to use.

Laurelin turned to the side to look at him. **“Commander, I was hoping we could talk.”**

Cullen turned his head to the side to look at her and nodded. **“Of course. I had planned to speak with you when you returned from the Hinterlands. I wanted to show you our forces and answer any questions you might have about my role.”**

Laurelin shook her head. **“No, it’s not about that.”**

Cullen’s brow furrowed in confusion and he turned to face her. **“Oh. Well then, please continue.”**

Laurelin sighed and forced herself to look the commander squarely in the eyes. **“You had said in the War Room that you are a former templar.”**

Realization seemed to dawn in the commander’s eyes. He rubbed the back of his neck and nodded. **“Ah, yes. I assumed you’d eventually want to.... well, it’s natural to have questions... I...”**

Cullen chuckled softly, **“Would you prefer to have this conversation someplace else?”**

Laurelin shrugged. She knew she didn’t have anything to fear from him, and it probably wouldn’t be a good idea to speak about this around his soldiers.

**“Alright. We can speak in the War Room.”**

Cullen turned to an individual beside him, spoke to him briefly, and then held his arm out in front of him. Laurelin nodded and began walking to the village’s gate.

Once they were in the War Room and Cullen had shut the door, they both stared awkwardly at each other. Neither one of them said anything. Finally, Cullen chuckled slightly, rubbed the back of his neck, and walked over to the table. He looked down at the map.

**“So, uh, you come from the Free Marches, right? The southern area? You mentioned this morning that you were the First of your clan and a healer.”**

Laurelin walked up next to Cullen and stared down at the map as she nodded. **“That is correct. My clan wanders around the area between different forests. It is a beautiful area.”**

She saw Cullen nod out of the corner of her eye. **“Yes, it is.** **I was, uh... stationed in Kirkwall. The ocean there is beautiful.”**

Laurelin was quite surprised to hear this. She straightened up and faced Cullen. **“You were stationed in Kirkwall? When? My clan frequently stays in the forests around there and** **Wycome. Of course, we had to temporarily evacuate during the Blight.”**

She thought she saw a frown pass over Cullen’s face, but when he straightened up and faced her, he had a small smile on his face. It didn’t look completely genuine, though.

**“Uh, actually, that is where I was stationed before Cassandra came and recruited me to the Inquisition a few months ago. I was the Knight-Captain there and then the Knight Commander.”**

Laurelin felt her heart drop in her stomach. That... that would mean... **“So... you were in command... after the Kirkwall Rebellion...** **You were _there_.” **

Cullen did indeed frown then. **“Yes... yes, I was in charge after Knight Commander Meredith. I wouldn’t say that is something to be particularly proud of, however.** **I’m sure, what with you living in the Free Marches, that you have heard different stories about what happened during the rebellion. Red lyrium had driven Knight-Commander Meredith mad. She threatened to kill Kirkwall’s Champion, turned on her own men. I’m not sure how far she would have gone. Too far. I stood with the Champion against her in the end. But I should have seen through Meredith sooner.”**

Cullen sighed and slowly walked to the window. **“I was able to gather the** **remaining templars and restore some semblance of order, but I’m not proud of my actions before or my inaction when I believed Commander Meredith was doing something wrong. I hope... I hope I can somehow make up for that here, with the Inquisition.”**

Well... what could she possibly say to that? She was still shocked that Cullen had been the second-in-command during the Kirkwall Rebellion, and that he became the leader afterward. And he didn’t sound like how she thought a templar would. He regretted his actions. But the fact remained...

Laurelin cleared her throat, which made Cullen turn and look at her. **“I... I honestly don’t know what to say about all of that... I do hope you _are_ able to find what you are looking for here.” **

Cullen actually smiled softly, **“Thank you. You don’t have to say anything else. These are my demons, and I must deal with them. That doesn’t mean that I don’t believe in Circles or templars. Mages must be watched. Magic left unchecked is very dangerous. I just believe that the current system needs changed.”**

Laurelin scoffed and looked off to the side, trying to cool her temper. That was exactly the wrong thing to say...

She heard Cullen continue, and she could hear the conviction in his voice. **“I know that probably isn’t what you want to hear. I’m certain you wish mages could be free, but...”**

Laurelin chuckled humorlessly and shook her head before she looked back at Cullen. **“Actually, that is not what I wish, not of Circle mages, at least.”**

She was satisfied to see the look of surprise on Cullen’s face. **“Does that surprise you, Commander, that I might actually agree with you on Circle mages needing to be watched? Why? Because I am a mage?** **Please. I couldn’t begin to describe how different Dalish mages are from Circle mages. We would be here all night. What I will say, however, is that we Dalish know how to control our magic. We know its potential, how to harness it, and how to control it. We know when to use it and when not to. The same cannot be said of Circle mages when left to their own devices.”**

Cullen was obviously shocked. **“Well I... I am glad we agree...”**

Laurelin continued. **“Only on that, Commander. No, the current Circle mages cannot be trusted to control themselves.** **They don’t know how. No one has ever taught them their true potential. No one has taught them when and why they should use magic. No one taught them that magic is part of who they _are_.” **

Cullen frowned and stepped forward slightly. **“What? That is exactly what templars do!”**

Laurelin scoffed. **“No! You teach them how to use magic to benefit humans! Magic does not exist to simply please man! My people were using magic far before humans even arrived in Thedas! Your Circle mages know nothing of the magic outside of human control, so how could they hope to properly control it and use it if they are rebelling against humans?! Yes, I know! They’re not rebelling against all humans, just templars and the Order, who just happen to consist almost entirely of humans.”**

Cullen stalked forward until he was just a few feet in front of her. **“Are you done?”**

Laurelin’s eyes widened. That’s all he had to say? She glared at him. She might have been intimidated by him under normal circumstances, but she was too angry to be scared now.

**“No, I’m not done! The Circle should exist for the current mages, outside of the Dalish, of course. However, no new mages should ever be brought into the Circle again!”**

It was Cullen’s turn to scoff. **“Oh yes! We should just allow whoever wants to practice magic to do so unchecked, damn the consequences! I’m sure we’d have no issues of demonic possession at all. Problem solved!”**

Laurelin moved close to Cullen. She was so furious! He wasn’t different from the templars after all! **“Magic is not the problem, Commander! Magic itself is not dangerous! It is the lack of true knowledge, and how to accept magic as part of your very being, that is the problem. Let mages teach their own without interference. Non-magical beings trying to control magical beings is ridiculous! You know nothing about it! And, if you try to cage something you do not truly understand, Commander, then you** **_will_ see horrible things happen. It is the wielder that can be dangerous, not the weapon itself.” **

Cullen looked entirely confused and angry, **“What do you mean we’re non-magical beings, and that we can’t possibly understand it? We templars have our own powers, our own magic! So, of course we can relate to the mages, and we can stop them if they go too far!”**

Laurelin shook her head. **“Templars are not magical creatures; you weren’t born with your gifts! It’s not part of you. Your magic is not Fade given, it is forced by lyrium! You manufacture it. That is something entirely different! You are abominations!”**

Cullen’s eyes widened in shock and he gasped. Okay, yes, that last part was too much. And she didn’t believe templars were abominations... did she? Well, maybe... But that wasn’t the point! 

Laurelin’s voice was a little softer when she spoke again, but the anger still filled her words. Anger and grief. **“You templars use your artificial abilities to hurt people, to tear them away from their loved ones and force them to live a false life. That is what you were made to do. You have become the weapon** **_and_ the wielder, all in one. And that needs to change.” **

Laurelin turned on her heel, headed for the door, and left the War Room.


	4. To the Hinterlands

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not a lot happens in this chapter. Chapter 5 is where it really starts to get fun. There is a juicy little argument at the beginning, though. This chapter does show the interactions between the companions and their developing relationships, though. Also, it has a good conversation between Cassandra and Laurelin.

Laurelin and Cassandra met the advisors in the War Room the next morning to go over any last-minute items before they traveled to the Hinterlands. Everyone was in their regular positions around the table. Laurelin and Cullen were carefully avoiding each other’s eyes.

Josephine did, in fact, have an urgent matter that she wanted Laurelin and her companions to handle while they were in the Hinterlands.

**“Herald, we have received a request from the Hinterlands. Rifts are appearing near the Dennet farm. Rabid wolves have also appeared in the area, and they are attacking the horses. He was formerly the horse master for Redcliffe. His horses are some of the finest. We believe that if you can close the rifts and chase off the wolves, you might be able to negotiate with him on providing horses for the inquisition. We know it will extend your trip, but it is vital we have good horses for the Inquisition, and a lot of them.”**

Laurelin looked back at the map where a marker was placed on the Hinterlands. She only took a couple of minutes to think before she nodded her head in agreement. **“Yes, I agree. The plan is a good one.”**

Josephine nodded and began writing on her tablet. **“Excellent. We will begin preparing supplies for you again. We have surmised that you will be gone for approximately three weeks. We would like you to see Mother Giselle first. She is actually near the Crossroads, which is on the eastern side of the Hinterlands. Then, on your way back, you could stop at the Dennet farm.”**

Laurelin nodded again, but then Cullen’s deep voice echoed in the room. She looked across the table at him and saw him looking over at Leliana. His face was emotionless, but his voice didn’t have its normal warmth. He already sounded irritated.

**“Perhaps we should send someone else along with the Herald and her companions to do the negotiating with Dennet? I’m certain the Herald’s skills will be invaluable against the wolves and rifts, but it might be best to assign someone with more... experience to do the negotiating.”**

Laurelin frowned at Cullen. Really? Did this have something to do with what she said last night?

**“Excuse me, Commander? You believe that I would do such a poor job in negotiation? I'll have you know that as my clan’s healer, I was responsible for traveling with the hunters to the small nearby villages to trade for herbs and other supplies that we either didn’t have or weren’t available to us in the location we were at.”**

Cullen rested his hands on the pommel of his sword and looked at Laurelin. His gaze was heated. **“Be that as it may, Herald, trading for a few medical supplies is quite different than negotiating a fair price for an army of horses.”**

Laurelin’s sharp elven ears picked up a sigh coming from the left end of the table but chose to ignore it. She fixed a glare at Cullen and placed her hands on top of the War Table.

**“I understand that, Commander, but I have experience in getting a fair price for goods that are needed with few resources at my disposal.”** Her voice was rising as was her anger. 

Cullen’s eyes narrowed. **“I still think it would be best to have someone more experienced accompany you.”**

Laurelin arched an eyebrow. **“Oh, someone like you?”**

Cullen chuckled lowly, humorlessly. **“Of course not. I can’t leave the soldiers for that long. I was thinking one of my commanders could accompany you. And don’t worry, not all of them are... former abominations.** **”**

Laurelin’s eyes flashed with fire. **“Most certainly not! You may be in charge of the Inquisition's army, but I am in charge of closing the rifts, and I will not have someone along that I don’t know and don’t trust! I know you don’t want to leave this to a crazy magic user, but too bad!”**

Laurelin could hear the low growl that emanated from Cullen’s chest. She could also hear the creaking sound his gloves made as his hands gripped the pommel of his sword tightly.

Cullen opened his mouth to say something, but Cassandra spoke first.

**“Commander, I will be there to help the Herald negotiate the price and number of horses. I have plenty of experience in this area. Herald...”**

Cassandra turned her fiery gaze to Laurelin. **“I will speak with Cullen before we leave on the number of** **horses that he believes we need, and I will speak with Josephine on the funds we have. Does that plan satisfy both of you?”**

She looked back and forth between Laurelin and Cullen. Laurelin watched Cullen for  a while , and when he nodded to Cassandra, she did as well. 

Cassandra sighed again. **“Good. Now that that’s settled, is there anything else we need to cover before we leave?”**

Josephine’s eyes were wide and she was still staring at Laurelin and Cullen.  Finally, she finally shook her head. **“Uh, no. I have nothing urgent. Leliana?”**

Leliana’s face was as stoic as ever. **“Nothing that can’t wait until you all return. If that changes, I will send a message to you, Cassandra.”**

Cassandra nodded and then turned to Laurelin. **“Herald, would you please join Solas and Varric at the gate? I will be along as soon as I speak with Commander Cullen and Josephine.”**

Laurelin looked at all of the advisors one final time, minus Cullen, and then nodded her goodbye and left. 

Laurelin began walking away from the Chantry building, trying to ignore what just happened at the War Table. She was completely embarrassed with how she handled herself, how she had yelled at the commander and allowed him to anger her so. She believed everything she said, but she should have maintained her composure. Besides, he was the Commander of the Inquisition and deserved to be spoken to with respect... at least in front of others. He just made her so angry!

**“You appear deep in thought, da’len.”**

Laurelin looked up at the voice beside her. She saw that it was Solas who had spoken to her. Varric was walking beside him. Solas looked as calm as ever, and Varric had a smirk on his face.

**“Good morning Solas, Varric. I thought you both were going to wait at the gate.”**

Varric shrugged. **“** **Nah. We decided to walk with you and the Seeker. Chuckles and I tend to draw stares, so standing around the gate didn’t sound all that fun. Besides, we got to surprise you! Well, we would have if you hadn’t been thinking so hard. And where _is_ the Seeker, anyway?” **

Laurelin waited until Solas and Varric were standing beside her and then started walking with them toward the gate. She spoke softly. **“She is speaking with Commander Cullen and Josephine about our new task. We are to negotiate with a horse master in the Hinterlands for horses for the Inquisition.”**

Varric laughed and clapped his gloved hands together. **“Alright! Soon, no more walking everywhere. What about you, Handy? Do you like horses?”**

Laurelin didn’t say anything for a little while. Then, Varric cleared his throat, which caused Laurelin to look up in confusion. They were close to the gate now. **“What? Me? Are you speaking to me, Varric?”**

Varric chuckled. **“Well, of course.** **Who else would be Handy... Handy?”**

Laurelin thought about it a few moments and then laughed softly. **“Umm, ok. True. Uh, yes, Varric, horses are fine.** **I prefer halla, though.”**

Solas scoffed softly. Laurelin and Varric stopped at the gate together and both of them looked at Solas in confusion. Laurelin watched as Solas looked between her and Varric before he chuckled and shook his head.

**“Uh, just amused by the nickname. You should be honored, Herald, that Varric would choose to give you such an honor.”**

Laurelin smirked and said lowly, **“Is it really such an honor when giving people nicknames is like breathing for Varric?”**

Solas’ eyes widened and then he smirked while Varric laughed loudly. **“Was that a joke, Handy? I didn’t think you had it in** **ya! The quiet, serious Herald is actually the queen of one liners! Very good, Handy.”**

Laurelin laughed softly and tucked a strand of her long black hair behind one of her ears. **“Well, I didn’t want to throw too much at you in the beginning and shock you.”**

Solas chuckled lowly and Varric  guffawed . **“Oh, this trip is** **gonna be a lot more fun than I thought.”**

**“And why is that, exactly, Varric?”**

Laurelin, Solas, and Varric all turned to look behind them at Cassandra. 

**“Oh, you know Seeker, because we’re such a lively, fun group.”**

Laurelin bit her tongue to stop herself from laughing when she saw Cassandra’s frown and look of consternation.

Cassandra sighed and shook her head, obviously not believing Varric but letting it go. **“Fine. Well, let's go. The Hinterlands is not far, but I want the Herald to be able to speak with Mother Giselle before nightfall.”**

Everyone adjusted the packs they were carrying, and then they walked through the gate and toward the Hinterlands. Laurelin was very thankful to be away from all of the people and their stares.

Solas and Varric started talking about one of Varric’s recent books. Well, Varric did most of the talking while Solas listened and gave a comment every so often.

Cassandra walked beside Laurelin and whispered to her, **“I thought you said you were going to speak with Commander Cullen yesterday, Herald.”**

Laurelin sighed softly. **“I did...”**

Cassandra sighed in frustration. **“Ah. I see.** **It did not go well, then. You know that if you two keep behaving the way you are, it will make it difficult for all of us to work together, correct?”**

Laurelin nodded and looked down at the ground. **“Yes, I know... “**

She looked forward to make sure Varric and Solas were several feet in front of them before she continued. Solas might be able to hear her with his elven hearing. **“I do apologize for my behavior earlier this morning, Cassandra. It was rude and unprofessional of me. I will do better in the future.”**

Cassandra nodded. **“Yes, good. Commander Cullen is no longer a templar, Herald. I know his beliefs on magic are still different than yours, but he has come a long way. He voluntarily left the templars because of what they were doing. He chose to join the Inquisition to help end the war between the templars and mages.”**

Laurelin sighed. **“It’s his views on magic that anger me the most. He seems to view it as something dangerous, and he believes that people who use magic should be monitored. He doesn’t see it as it truly is: a gift that is as much a part of a mage as their soul is. Yes, there are people out there that abuse it, but that can be true of anything.”**

Laurelin scoffed and kicked a stone on the dirt path. **“And the commander also believes in templars monitoring and controlling the mages. He believes that templars can understand mages because they can both do magic, but it’s not the same thing at all! Templars force magic by taking lyrium. With mages, it’s a natural part of who we are. Templars should have no part in monitoring magical creatures on how they should or shouldn’t use their magic. Only other mages should.”**

Laurelin looked over at Cassandra and cautiously brought up something that she had been wanting to since the first day they had met.

**“I... I know that you have magical abilities, Seeker. I can sense the magic inside of you. However, you are not a mage, and you do not force your abilities with lyrium. There is no lyrium inside of you.”**

Cassandra nodded and kept her head facing forward. **“Yes. Yes, Seekers use magic, and no, we do not need to ingest lyrium in order to do so. That is all I can say on the subject.”**

Laurelin nodded and tried to understand. She didn’t like not knowing something about magic, but she didn’t want to upset Cassandra, either. Hopefully, after they had known each other for  awhile and felt comfortable with each other, Cassandra would share the details of her magical abilities with Laurelin.

Cassandra continued with their earlier conversation. **“Commander Cullen’s views on magic come from his experiences in his past. I will not share them, as it is a private matter for him to discuss. I** **_will_ say, however, that he has made great strides the past few months since joining the Inquisition. Please do not judge him entirely on what little you know about him now.” **

Laurelin wanted to argue, but really, what Cassandra said made sense. Laurelin had just met the commander. She didn’t know much about him. Perhaps she had been rash before. He had just made her so angry when he said what he did about magic. However, some of her anger might have been from the fact that he used to be a templar. She wanted to dislike him on principal because of that.

Laurelin rubbed her temples. **“We just started this journey and I’m already getting a headache...”**

Cassandra and Laurelin laughed softly together. **“However, what you say makes sense, Cassandra. I do not know Commander Cullen. I will try to behave better around him.”**

Cassandra nodded. **“Good! Well then, lets hurry so we can make sure to talk with Mother Giselle and set up camp before night falls.”**

Laurelin looked at Cassandra’s back as she hurried forward. Cassandra almost seemed a little too eager to get to the Hinterlands, or eager to set up camp. Maybe Laurelin was just misreading things. It wasn’t like she had a lot of experience with judging human emotion and behavior, but Cassandra seemed to be in a hurry.

Laurelin simply shrugged and walked quickly to catch up with her group. It was a beautiful day out. So beautiful that she even removed her cloak’s hood.


	5. An Unexpected Guest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter leads into a really fun next chapter. Things are going to start going faster now! I hope you enjoy reading the following chapters as much as I enjoyed writing them.

It didn’t take long for the group to arrive at the Hinterlands or to find Mother Giselle. Cassandra, Varric, and Solas spread out to help tend to the injured soldiers. Laurelin quickly found Mother Giselle. Laurelin felt very uneasy about this. She hated the idea of dealing with someone from the Chantry, but if the advisors thought this was a good idea, Laurelin would attempt it.

Laurelin stood off to the side until Mother Giselle was finished treating an injured soldier. What the soldier had to say made Laurelin wince. But what Mother Giselle had to say in response floored her.

Mother Giselle was trying to get the soldier to allow the mages to heal him, **“There are mages here who can heal your wounds. Lie still.”**

The soldier wanted none of it, though, **“Don’t… let them touch me, Mother. Their magic…”**

Mother Giselle shook her head but spoke gently and calmly to the soldier, **“Turned to noble purpose, their magic is surely no** **more evil than your blade.”**

This caused Laurelin’s jaw to drop, and she gasped loudly. She couldn’t help it. Mother Giselle glanced back at Laurelin, but then she turned her attention back to the soldier.

**“Hush, dear boy. Allow them to ease your suffering.”**

Mother Giselle stood up as a mage came over to help the soldier. Then, she turned to Laurelin and walked over to her. She nodded to Laurelin, and Laurelin nodded back.

**“You must be the one they’re calling the Herald of Andraste.”**

Laurelin managed to hold back her wince. **“Yes... I am. What you said to that soldier... do you truly believe it? About magic not being evil, I mean.”**

Mother Giselle tilted her head to the side in thought, **“We do not teach that magic is evil. We teach that pride is evil — and does not corrupt only mages. Some of us have learned more and grown past our own prejudices.** **We have learned there is more to magic than simply viewing it as a weapon or tool.”**

**“Forgive me, but when you say ‘we’, you mean...?”**

Mother Giselle began walking among the other injured soldiers. Laurelin followed. **“By ‘we’, I mean those of us in the Chantry who listen to our conscience. We do not all have the same belief of magic, just as we do not all believe that you, Herald of Andraste, are a demon to be feared. This is why I have asked you here.”**

Mother Giselle proceeded to explain how she believed that Laurelin and her companions should go and speak to the Chantry and why.

Laurelin listened with a more open mind than she would have at the beginning. She was still so shocked that someone in the Chantry believed the way Laurelin did about magic. She was completely dumbfounded but also so relieved.

When they were finished talking about the Chantry, Laurelin turned to Mother Giselle and spoke openly.

**“Mother Giselle, thank you for speaking with me today. I will be completely honest and say that I did not arrive expecting you to say anything I wanted to hear... But what you have said gives me hope that not only there might be others in the Chantry that feel the way you do about magic, but that there might be other humans might feel that way as well. It also gives me hope that those who do hold a negative view about magic can change. I... this has meant a lot to me. Thank you for speaking with me.”**

Laurelin held her hand out to Mother Giselle, and she took Laurelin’s hand and held it. **“I am glad to hear this. Hope is what we need now. The people will listen to your rallying call, as they will listen to no other. You could build the Inquisition into a force that will deliver us… or destroy us. I will go to Haven and provide Sister Leliana the names of those in the Chantry that would be amenable to a gathering. It is not much, but I will do whatever I can.”**

Laurelin nodded her head and let Mother Giselle leave first. Then, she met up with Solas, Varric, and Cassandra. Varric tilted his head at Laurelin and smiled, **“Well that must have gone well.** **You look like positively giddy.”**

Laurelin chuckled. **“Yes, Varric.** **It did go well, much better than I expected. Come. I will tell you all about it as we set up camp.”**

They travelled back to the Inquisition’s rest area and began to set up camp and unpack, and Laurelin filled them in on what Mother Giselle had said. Cassandra seemed please.

**“This is very good. Yes, I am glad she gave you inspiration and a new outlook on humans, but I also am pleased that she has an idea on how to handle the Chantry. I will write a message to the others with the details and send it with one of Leliana’s crows.”**

Cassandra brought a smaller bag over to the fire and sat down on a nearby log. She removed paper and writing utensils from the small bag and began to write.

Meanwhile, Varric was preparing supper over the fire and Solas was checking his remaining stock of healing items, as he had used quite a bit on the soldiers.

Laurelin had found another log, drug it over toward the fire, and sat down on it. She stared into the fire and began thinking over her conversation with Mother Giselle. It had just shaken her so much, but not necessarily in a bad way.

Laurelin was lost in thought when she heard Varric’s cheerful voice.

**“Curly! Well, this is a surprise. What are you doing here?”**

Laurelin didn’t know who Varric was referring to with his nickname, so Laurelin didn’t look up... at least not until she recognized the voice that responded to Varric’s question. Then, her head snapped up and her blood froze.


	6. Discovering Spices...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a long chapter, but I think it will be a quick read. This is one of my favorite chapters that I've written, so far. I've written a lot more for this story and we'll be sharing it as quickly as I can. 
> 
> Also, if you would like, I listened to Evan and Jaron's "Crazy for this Girl" while I started writing the 2nd half of this chapter, about where Laurelin starts choking on her spices. Feel free to listen along as you read that section!

**“Hello Varric. Cassandra invited me along this morning after our meeting in the War Room.”**

Laurelin was staring at Cullen as if he had two heads. He was supposed to be back at Haven! When she heard Cullen say that Cassandra had invited him, she slowly turned her head to look at the Seeker. Cassandra hadn’t looked up from the message she was writing, but she did mumble, **“More like insisted on it.”**

Cullen continued with what he was saying. He was staying near the fire, warming up Laurelin assumed. He must have left his bag near one of the tents.

**“Rylen is watching over the men and running drills with them. Leliana said she would send a message if I was needed. Since the Hinterlands isn’t that far from Haven, I decided it might be a good idea for me to join you on your trip. I did have to finish a few things before I left, however, so I told Cassandra I would be arriving later in the day at camp.”**

So this was why she insisted on hurrying to the Hinterlands and talking with Mother Giselle so that they could set up camp before nightfall? She knew Commander Cullen would be coming and wanted to have everything set up.

She scowled at her. Cassandra knew he would be coming and hadn’t said anything! And, according to Cullen, Cassandra had even been the one to invite him along. She was up to something, and Laurelin believed she knew what.

**“Good evening, Herald.”**

Laurelin turned her head back and looked up at Cullen, who was now standing beside her. Honestly, after speaking with Mother Giselle, she wasn’t sure what to think of Cullen now. And she was sorry for calling him an abomination. That had been uncalled for.

**“Good evening, Commander.”** Her voice was soft and absent of any malice. She tried to make sure it sounded neutral.

Cullen nodded to the rest of the empty log beside her. **“Do you mind if I join you?”**

Laurelin shook her head. **“No, I don’t mind. Please, sit.”**

Cullen nodded again and sat down next to her. He stretched out his long legs in front of him and crossed them at the ankle while he crossed his arms over his chest, likely to keep his arms and hands warm. He didn’t have his armor on right now. He must have taken it off before he came over to the fire. He still had his fur mantle on. What was that all about, anyway? She wanted to say it looked ridiculous... but honestly? It was kind of attractive. It suited him.

She shook her head and quickly looked back at the fire. Attractive?! She must be really  tired to think like that.

Cullen apparently noticed her shaking her head. **“Are you alright?”**

Laurelin sighed and held her hands out toward the fire and began rubbing them together. **“Yes! Yes, I am fine. I am simply cold.”**

Laurelin gasped softly a few moments later when she felt something heavy being draped over her shoulders. She looked at herself and then at Cullen. He had wrapped his mantle around her! She hadn’t really been cold. She was keeping herself warm with magic, but Cullen hadn’t known that.

**“Oh! Umm, thank you, Commander. You don’t have to do that, though. I’ll be alright.”**

She went to remove his mantle, but Cullen shook his head and held out his hand to stop her. **“It’s fine. I’m not cold after walking that distance. Besides, your cloak looks too thin to be able to keep you warm.”**

Well now what did she do? If she  insisted he take it back, it would look rude, and she had promised Cassandra that she would work at not being rude to him anymore. And she most certainly wasn’t going to tell him that she was already using magic to keep herself warm.

And, really, his mantle  _ was  _ warm, and it smelled really good. Since she was a healer, she recognized the scent immediately. It was elderflower and oakmoss. Why would he use these items, though? They were for reducing inflammation and pain. Was the commander hurt? Did he have old wounds that left him in pain?

Laurelin wrapped the mantle tighter around her and looked over at Cullen. She hadn’t known he was in pain. If he wanted her to, in the future, she could inspect his injuries to see if there was anything she could do to help him.

**“Thank you, Commander. That is very considerate of you.”**

Cullen nodded, and, maybe it was the fire, but Laurelin could have sworn a blush was creeping up his neck and cheeks. Maybe he really  _ was  _ warm after all that walking... maybe.

Laurelin leaned a little closer and lowered her voice. **“You’re here because of the horses, aren’t you?”**

Cullen chuckled lowly, which surprised Laurelin. She thought he would be annoyed by what she said.

**“And you guessed it in one. I didn’t think it would take you long to figure that out. It was an idea the ladies had. They said that if I objected so much to you negotiating for the horses, that I should come with you.”**

Laurelin scowled at this. **“I don’t need your help, Commander. I said that this morning.”**

Cullen leaned a little closer to her and lowered his voice as well. He didn’t seem angry, though. **“I understand that. But I am still coming along. I don’t know you that well, yet, and I don’t know what all you’re capable of. So, I...”**

Laurelin cut him off and tried to keep her voice low, but that just made it sound like she was hissing her words now, **“So, you don’t trust me when I say that I can handle this. Well, that is just fine, Commander. I guess I will just have to prove it to you!”**

Laurelin stood up from the log and began walking past Cullen. **“Thank you for preparing supper, Varric. I’m afraid I am too tired to eat, though. I will be heading to bed.”**

Cullen sighed in frustration, but Varric was the one to speak up. **“Handy, you didn’t even have a snack for lunch. You need to eat so that you can travel tomorrow. It’s almost ready, just a few more minutes. It’s rabbit stew! I bought it from the vendor at the Crossroads.”**

Laurelin frowned. Solas was concentrating on rolling cloth bandages, so he didn’t look at her. Subtle.... Cassandra, on the other hand, spoke up.

**“Sit and eat, Herald. I insist. We have a long journey the next few days to the Dennet farm, and I’m sure we will have to fight demons and other creatures along the way.”**

Cassandra never once looked up from her message while she was talking.

Laurelin practically huffed and sat back down again. She pulled Cullen’s mantle tighter around her arms and propped her elbows on her knees.

Cullen leaned forward and whispered lowly to her, **“I apologize that I upset you, Herald...”**

Laurelin whipped her head to the side and frowned at Cullen. **“Laurelin! Please Commander, call me Laurelin... And you didn’t. I am fine. I’m just... tired.”**

Laurelin sighed and turned her frown toward the fire. She felt like so little of her life was in her own control anymore. It really unnerved her, and it was so frustrating.

After a few minutes, Cullen’s deep, soft voice filled her ears again. **“Do you like playing chess, Hera... Laurelin?”**

Laurelin looked back at Cullen in confusion. She appreciated the fact that he was using her real name. It sounded so much better, more normal, than the name she associated with her current reality.

**“Umm, I don’t...”** Laurelin cleared her throat and sat back fully so that she could look at Cullen better. Her curiosity for learning new things was getting the better of her.

**“Honestly, Commander? I... I don’t know what that is.”**

She felt her cheeks heat up in embarrassment and she looked down at her lap and played with the edge of Cullen’s mantle. It was embarrassing for her to not know something. Her knowledge and desire to learn had always been her strengths. Yes, she was a strong mage and the First of her clan, but her true strength was her thirst for knowledge. She hated when she didn’t know what something was, and hated it even more that the commander was the one to expose a gap in her knowledge.

The commander, for his part, was actually kind. **“It’s understandable, if you don’t have much interaction with humans outside of trading occasionally in small villages. Also, it’s Cullen.”**

Laurelin looked back at him in confusion again. **“What, Commander?”**

She saw a small smirk form on the commander’s mouth. Normally, that would have aggravated her, but the smirk moved her attention to the scar on his mouth. It, like the rest of him, was quite attractive. She was used to being around the men in her village, who had perfect skin, hair, and slight, slender figures. The commander was the opposite in almost all those ways, minus the perfect skin. Outside of his scar and some stubble, his face appeared smooth and unblemished. She told herself she was fascinated with his appearance because it was so different from what she was used to.

Cullen’s smirk seemed to grow as she found herself staring at his mouth and scar for several moments. When he opened his mouth to respond to her question, Laurelin quickly turned her head away and looked back at the fire.

**“If you want me to call you by your given name, then I insist that you call me Cullen when it’s just us.”**

Laurelin continued to stare at the fire but finally nodded. **“Alright then, Cullen.”**

With her keen elven hearing, Laurelin could have sworn she heard a soft sigh come from Cullen. She looked back at him. **“So... what is this chess?”**

This time Laurelin was certain she saw a blush color his cheeks, and he rubbed the back of his neck as he chuckled.

**“Ah, right, yes. Chess is a game of strategy. It has a small square board and wooden pieces that you move around.”**

Cullen proceeded to explain how chess worked and what the goal was. When he was done explaining the mechanics of the game, he leaned forward and began to warm his hands in front of the fire.

**“I learned how to play chess when I was a child and would play with my siblings. However, I still enjoy playing it, even now. I find it especially calming when I feel like things in my life are getting out of control. Chess helps me focus my thoughts and gives me a sense of control.”**

Cullen turned his face to look at Laurelin and looked at her with a knowing look in his eyes.  Wait ... could he sense that she felt like she was losing all possible control of her life? She should have felt awkward with him staring at her like that, but his amber-colored eyes were glowing in the firelight, and he just looked  so...

Laurelin swung her head to the right when she felt someone sit beside her. It was Solas. He was holding a bowl of something, likely dinner. Laurelin quickly turned her head back to Cullen.

**“Thank you for sharing that information with me, Comma... Cullen. It sounds interesting, this chess.”**

Cullen chuckled lowly. **“I will have to show it to you when we get back to Haven, then.”**

**“Alright. I would love to learn.”** Laurelin was horrified when she felt herself smiling at Cullen. She quickly turned her head again back to Solas. 

**“Good evening, Solas.”**

Solas nodded and handed her a bowl of... what in all of the gods’ creation was this? She took it and ran the spoon through the substance.

Solas also handed her a cup of water. **“Good evening, da'len.”**

Solas had been with her since the beginning of this mess. It had only been a few days since her life had blown up, quite literally. Solas had stayed by her side, though. He had spent hours in her cabin with her explaining what had happened while she had been unconscious after trying to close the breach. He had brought her food when she was too scared to leave the cabin and encounter all of those humans.

**“This is porridge. It would be easier for you to digest than Varric’s stew.”**

Varric looked up at Solas. **“Hey, Chuckles! I’ll have you know that Hawke loved my rabbit stew!”**

Laurelin frowned at Solas. **“Solas, I’ve eaten rabbit before. You brought me broth the first day at Haven, and then you brought me a salad of herbs yesterday. I appreciate your help and concern, but I have had rabbit before. I have eaten it often back home.”**

Solas shook his head. **“You are not used to human spices and flavorings. You don’t want to get ill while traveling.”**

Laurelin scowled. Just another thing she wasn’t able to control in her life. She couldn’t even decide what she wanted to eat! Sometimes she wondered if people were really concerned about her, or if they just wanted to keep the Herald safe and well so that she could close the breach for good.

Laurelin slowly, and painfully, began eating the bland porridge. Cassandra also seemed to finally finish writing her lengthy message. She started to roll it up and headed back to the main area of the Inquisition’s camp to attach the message to one of the crows.

Solas stood up and began to follow Cassandra. **“Excuse me,** **da'len. I must speak with Cassandra about our destination tomorrow.”**

Laurelin’s eyes followed Solas’ retreating form. Once she saw him speaking with Cassandra in the distance, Laurelin stood up and hurried to Varric’s side. He was sitting by the large cauldron of stew, eating his own bowl. He chuckled and put his bowl to the side when Laurelin knelt beside the cauldron.

**“Welcome, Handy. Decide to ignore Chuckles and try my famous rabbit stew after all?”**

Laurelin grinned and looked into the cauldron. It was nearly impossible to not be happy when near Varric. He had many interesting stories. He had told her one yesterday in the Chantry building, and he told them all one while they had been walking to the Hinterlands. And he was usually so cheerful.

**“Yes, I would like to try some, please. I love rabbit.”**

Varric laughed and grabbed an empty bowl and spoon and began to pour some of the stew in it. It wasn’t much, but enough to try. He handed it to her with a nod. **“There’s our daring Herald. I was starting to worry that the guts you had to try and close the breach were a fluke.”**

Laurelin actually laughed and then took a small bite. Her eyes widened at the punch of flavor. She had no idea Varric could cook something so delicious! The rabbit was so tender, and the spices were so strong. She had never tasted  these kinds of spices before, but she liked them.

**“This is good, Varric... Mmm.”**

After she had taken a couple more bites, she set her bowl down and reached for the small pouch that was attached to her belt. She pulled out various leaves from healing plants that she carried with her. She showed them to Varric.

**“Have you thought of adding some healing plants to your stews? They can enhance the flavor even further and provide health benefits as well! For example, this plant right here reduces inflammation!”**

Varric arched an eyebrow at her and chuckled slightly. **“You, uh, are really into this healing thing, aren’t you?”**

Laurelin smiled and nodded. **“Of course. I wouldn’t be a very good clan healer if I didn’t enjoy it. So, how about these 3 leaves to start with?”**

Varric looked behind Laurelin for a few moments, likely looking at Cullen, and then sighed and put some more stew in her bowl.

**“Why don’t you try it first, Handy? Let us know what you think.”**

Laurelin shrugged and went to the nearby cutting board Varric had been using to cut up the spices for the stew. She normally would have liked to use a mortar and pestle to grind up the leaves, but it was clear back in her rucksack in her tent.

After a few minutes, Laurelin returned to the spot she had been sitting at near the cauldron and dropped the leaves into her bowl. She started stirring them in.

**“This will take a few minutes to fully absorb. So, Varric, do you do a lot of cooking?”**

Varric rubbed his lips with the back of his hand, obviously trying to  suppress a laugh as she stirred in her herbs. Then, he said, **“Uh, mostly just on the road. But I do most of the cooking then. I have for years.”**

Laurelin nodded, continuing to stir. **“Do you enjoy it?”**

Varric shrugged. **“I guess? It’s fun trying to find new ways to make the same meat and veggies taste different. I also like trying different spices from all the areas I travel to.”**

Laurelin smiled. **“That would be wonderful. I don’t cook much, but I’d love to try and incorporate more healing plants and herbs into meals. We should try that together, Varric!”**

Varric chuckled slightly, not as loud or full as he usually did. It actually sounded kind of nervous. **“Uh, sure? I mean, maybe you should try it on your own first. Until you get it closer to how you’d like it, first!”**

Laurelin nodded. She and Varric continued to talk about cooking for a few minutes before Laurelin’s bowl of soup was ready. She took a spoonful, making sure she got plenty of the herbs in it, and took a bite. It didn’t taste that different at first, so she shrugged and took another bite. Then, she looked at the soup.

**“Huh. I can’t really tell....”**

Laurelin’s eyes widened as she felt a sudden, painful burning sensation on her tongue and spreading to her throat. She quickly set her bowl down and raised up on her knees. She was gesturing frantically to  Varric’s mug .

He quickly handed it to her, and she began taking large gulps, though she made sure not to spill any. It was mead! It wasn’t water....  Oh she didn’t care! She just needed to get rid of the burning in her mouth.

Laurelin finally finished drinking the mead and handed the mug back to Varric, who was laughing so hard now that tears were gathering in the corners of his eyes. She even heard Cullen chuckling behind her, though it was muffled, so he was obviously trying to cover it up. She looked over her shoulder and started to scowl. He had already finished his soup, and his empty bowl was sitting in front of him by the fire. She sighed in aggravation. At least they weren’t fighting...

She looked back at Varric and turned her scowl on him, though there was no malice in it. **“I was going to apologize for drinking all of your mead, but now...”**

Varric laughed for a few more moments before he finally settled down and started to shake his head. **“No, don’t worry about it, kid. It was worth it. Andraste’s holy knickers am I glad I had you try it by yourself!”**

She looked at her bowl and moved the spoon around the soup a few times. **“I don’t understand! These healing leaves aren’t spicy... Maybe they reacted to the herbs that were already inside the soup and...”**

Varric started laughing again and Laurelin couldn’t help but join him. It felt good to laugh, to just let go of her stress and enjoy the moment.

A few minutes later, after their laughter had died down, Varric started to pick up the dishes. When he reached for Laurelin’s bowl, he whispered to her, **“I think someone is smitten...”**

Laurelin looked at him in confusion. What did that even mean? She watched as Varric subtly tilted his head toward Cullen’s direction.

Laurelin, still with a look of confusion on her face, looked over her shoulder. Her eyes slammed into Cullen’s. He was staring openly at her, though she didn’t think he realized it. His golden eyes were looking at her with such intensity. They were glowing in the firelight. No one had ever looked at her that way before, and it made her stomach feel very odd...

Laurelin looked away. She was going to help Varric clear the dishes, but he already had. How long had she and Cullen been looking at each other?

Laurelin sighed and stood up. **“Umm, thank you for supper Varric. It was wonderful. I... I think I’m going to go to bed.”**

Varric looked at Laurelin from his spot near his rucksack and nodded with a smirk. **“Uh huh. Okay. Night Handy. I’m going to work more on my book... I suddenly have some great inspiration.”**

Laurelin nodded. She had heard Varric was a writer. She didn’t know what kind of books he wrote, but Cassandra had given her one. She would definitely need to read it soon.

**“I... I am going to head to bed. Yes, I already said that. Good night...”**

She turned and saw Cullen stand up as well. **“I’ll accompany you.”**

Laurelin’s eyes widened, which made a bright blush appear on Cullen’s entire face. He rubbed the back of his neck and began to stumble over his words.

**“Not accompany you! No... I meant,… I mean, I will follow you... I will make sure you get there safely.”**

Laurelin quickly looked down at her hands. **“It’s ok... it’s right over there. But thank you! I mean...”**

She started to walk toward her tent, avoiding his eyes. She heard his large, heavy steps behind her, though.

**“I will still make sure you get there safely...”**

They were both so busy with their own thoughts and trying to avoid each other’s eyes that they missed Varric’s low chuckle and him gazing after them.

As Laurelin had said, it didn’t take long to reach her tent. Cassandra’s tent was on the left side of her own, and 3 others were on the right. She knew the first 2 were Solas’ and Varric’s. The third must have been Cullen’s.

Laurelin turned awkwardly toward Cullen when she reached the entrance to her tent. She looked at her hands as she tried to think of what to say.

**“Umm, we’re here. Thank you... for coming with me.”**

**“Of course! Of course...”**

After a few moments of silence, Laurelin remembered that she was still wearing Cullen’s mantle. She quickly took it off and handed it to him. She started to thank him, but he wouldn’t take it back. She looked up at Cullen and saw him shaking his head.

**“No, I don’t need it back right now, Laurelin. It’s freezing out here. You’ll get cold.”**

Laurelin smiled softly and felt her cheeks begin to heat up. **“Thank you, Cullen, but I have my cloak, a bedroll, and a heavy blanket. I will be okay, I promise.”**

Cullen stared into her eyes for several moments, she assumed to make sure she was telling the truth. Finally, he sighed and took it back. He started to put it back on, and Laurelin noticed him take a deep breath and then sigh softly.

The mantle finally settled around Cullen’s shoulders like normal. It really did complete his look. It might look ridiculous on other people, but it suited Cullen very well. 

Laurelin started to reach for it to straighten it out a little bit, but when she saw Cullen’s eyes widen, she quickly pulled her hands back and looked down at the ground.

**“Uh, I am exhausted! I should go to bed now...”** She had no idea why, but she laughed softly. And she didn’t know why Cullen started to chuckle as well.

**“Right! Right... Umm, sleep well, Laurelin.”**

Laurelin nodded and quickly entered her tent with a quick, **“you too”** tossed over her shoulder. She paced in her tent for a few moments before she finally flopped onto her bedroll and groaned. What was wrong with her?!


	7. A Very Good Morning Indeed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another fun one! Mostly fluff.

The next morning, before the sun had risen, Laurelin was waking up. Being a mage, she didn’t need much sleep. She almost always woke up before the sun. Usually, she woke up feeling quite alert and energetic. This morning, however, she groaned and rolled onto her side as she held her stomach. It was not happy, not at all. She reached one of her hands out from under her cover and grabbed her small pouch that was on her belt by the other end of the tent. Since elves could see very well in the dark, Laurelin was able to easily find the herb she was looking for in her pouch. It was an herb that promoted digestion and calmed the stomach at the same time. She popped it in her mouth and began to chew it as she groaned and flopped back onto her bedroll. What a way to start the day...

After a few minutes, when her stomach had eased just slightly, Laurelin began to sit up and grab the items she’d need to bathe in the nearby lake. She grabbed runestones to place near the lake to warm up a small area of it, a towel, and a change of clothes. She also grabbed her bag that held the items she needed for praying and worshipping her gods in the mornings. Then, with another groan as her stomach rolled, she grabbed her herb pouch and headed out of the tent.

As Laurelin walked toward the fire, she instantly recognized Solas by the fire. He was stoking it, trying to make it larger again. He had magic. Why wasn’t he just using it for the fire? He must have heard her approach because he looked up at her.

**“Good morning, da’len... Are you alright? You look a little pale.”**

His eyes were glowing and had a glint to them. Part of that was due to the fire, but most of it was due to his nocturnal elven eyes searching her out in the dark. Laurelin’s own elven eyes easily saw the knowing look on Solas’ face and arched eyebrow. She sighed and shook her head stubbornly.

**“I am fine, Solas. Thank you. I am going to go pray and bathe...”**

Laurelin began heading toward the small forest that she had scouted out the day before. It would take a few minutes to get there, but it would be worth it. She always felt closer to her gods in the woods, and it was quiet there.

An hour and a half later, Laurelin emerged from the lake fully dry and clothed. She loved warming magic. It truly was miraculous, and she pitied those who didn’t have it. Even her long black hair was completely dry.

The sun was up now. She had watched the sunrise as she bathed in the lake, which was one of her favorite things to do. The sun just sparkled on the water as it rose in the sky, and it colored the water in such beautiful orange and red colors, sometimes even pink.

Laurelin was feeling a little better. She was chewing her fourth herb leaf to calm her stomach. As Laurelin was walking in the direction of the camp when she heard the sound of metal clashing in the distance. She turned her body and began walking toward that sound. A few minutes later, she saw Cullen and Cassandra, dressed fully in armor, sparring together. They moved so quickly and so well. She put her bag and clothes down near a tree and leaned against it as she watched the commander and seeker spar against each other. They were beautiful and fascinating. She didn’t know humans could move like that. They flowed and moved with the grace she thought only elves possessed. They seemed to anticipate each other’s moves. When Cullen would attack, Cassandra would block and defend. If Cassandra pushed forward, Cullen pulled back and redirected her movement. They did all this so quickly. It was so beautiful, which was something she didn’t think you could ever use to describe fighting.

A few minutes later, Cassandra’s voice rang out. **“Care to join, Herald?”** Neither Cassandra nor Cullen paused in their movements once while Cassandra spoke to Laurelin.

Laurelin’s eyes widened considerably and she shook her head as she held out her hands. **“No! No, I am fine simply watching both of you. You both are very skilled.”**

After a few minutes, there seemed to be something silent pass between the two warriors as they both drew back at the same time, nodded, and sheathed their swords. Laurelin didn’t know if it was appropriate or not, but she began clapping softly.

**“That was wonderful. You both are so skilled and move with such grace. It almost looked like a dance.”**

She could see a  blush color Cullen’s cheeks as he and Cassandra began walking toward her, which was also in the direction of the camp. Cassandra was chuckling at Laurelin’s words.

**“Thank you, Herald, but we were simply practicing. We have done so almost every morning since Cullen joined the Inquisition.”**

Cullen nodded. **“Yes. It keeps both of us sharp, and it’s a great way to limber up in the mornings.”**

Both Cullen and Cassandra arrived at the tree Laurelin was leaning against at the same time, even though Cullen was slightly taller than Cassandra and had longer legs.

Laurelin leaned over to grab her bags, but Cullen grabbed them instead, **“Allow me, Herald.”**

He lifted them easily, and all three of them began walking toward camp. **“Thank you, Commander. I could have carried them easily, though.”**

Cullen shook his head. **“I don’t mind, Herald. Your bags are really light. You’re not wearing your cloak this morning.”**

Laurelin smiled and shrugged. **“No, I am not. There aren’t many individuals nearby who will fall on their knees and worship me or openly stare, so I felt that I might be safe in foregoing my cloak today.”**

Cullen chuckled softly.

Cassandra frowned, however. **“Herald, you look pale.** **Are you alright?”**

Laurelin sighed softly and took a healing leaf out of her pouch from the belt that was now around her waist. She held it out to Cassandra.

**“Yes, I am alright. Some of what I ate last night did not agree with my stomach. It’s not bad. I just feel a little weak now. I’ve been chewing these leaves since I woke up this morning, and I’m feeling better. I should be back to normal by this afternoon. Here. You can chew it. It tastes quite good. It’s slightly sweet.”**

Cassandra took the leaf, turned it over a few times as she inspected it, and then popped it in her mouth. As she chewed it, she hummed appreciatively.

Cullen spoke up. She could easily hear the concern in his voice, and she felt his gaze on her. **“Are you certain you are alright, Herald? We can stay at camp for the day until you feel better.”**

Laurelin immediately shook her head. **“I appreciate your concern, Commander, but I will be fine. I wouldn’t want to hold our group up. The horses are very important.”**

Cullen sighed, **“Yes, but not at the detriment of your health...”**

Cassandra spoke up, **“Herald, I hope this isn’t inappropriate, but you smell very good this morning. Why is that?”**

Laurelin started slightly at the sudden change of topic, but then she laughed softly and shrugged. What an odd topic of conversation, but Laurelin didn’t mind.

**“Well, I bathed this morning, and I used soap and a cream lotion that I make myself. I actually make all the soaps, lotions, and salves for my clan. It’s quite easy to do as a healer, and I’m able to put healing items in them.”**

Cassandra actually reached out and ran a hand through her long black hair. She caught some strands and smelled them. Then, she released the strands, causing Laurelin to laugh softly. She was starting to get used to Cassandra’s abrupt and slightly odd mannerisms. She enjoyed the Seeker, even if she could be slightly controlling at times.

**“I never knew herbs could smell so good.”**

Laurelin stopped, causing the other two advisors to come to a halt as well. She walked over to Cullen and opened the large bag of hers he was carrying. **“Pardon me, Commander.”**

She looked around inside for a few brief moments. While she was doing that, Cassandra spoke up. **“Commander, smell the Herald’s hair. It’s lovely! Perhaps she can give Adan a few tips.”**

Laurelin didn’t have to look up at Cullen to suspect he was blushing brightly because he began to stumble over his words.

**“Wha... No! Are you... I’m not going to smell the Herald, Cassandra! That would be completely inappropriate.”**

Cassandra chuckled. **“Nonsense, Cullen. She didn’t mind when I did it. I think the soldiers would appreciate an opportunity to pamper themselves, don’t you? Especially the female soldiers. We should treat them occasionally since they train so hard. Do you think the men would enjoy the scent as well?”**

Laurelin smirked as she continued to look for the jars. The Seeker and Commander appeared to be quite comfortable with each other and on a first name basis when they weren’t in the War Room. And why in  Thedas couldn’t she find her shampoo and lotion?! She had wrapped the glass jars in her clothes from yesterday so that they wouldn’t break. Apparently, she had wrapped them a little too well.

Cullen began stammering again as Laurelin finally found the jars and pulled them out. **“** **I... They might... Yes, it is a good idea to treat the soldiers, but I’ll... you can decide... I’m sure your judgement is correct, Cassandra.”**

Laurelin shrugged. **“I don’t mind, Commander. I would love to prepare something for the soldiers. I don’t mind you seeing if this scent would be appropriate for the men. The lotion is made from lavendar, elfroot, and oakmoss.”**

Cullen stared down at Laurelin for a few moments, probably to make sure she really was okay with him smelling her... She chuckled softly. Their conversation had taken such an odd turn, but it was enjoyable to be so relaxed around the two warriors, who she was used to being stoic and quiet. Well, Cassandra, she was learning, wasn’t always that way, but she didn’t often see Cullen so relaxed. That was probably her fault.

Cullen shook his head and began to lean toward Laurelin as he mumbled, **“This is so odd... You two are bad influences on each other.”**

Both Cassandra and Laurelin laughed at Cullen’s words. The laughter died on Laurelin’s lips, though, when she felt Cullen’s breath on her neck and one of his gloved hands ran through her hair, bringing some of it closer to his face. Laurelin froze. She could feel heat flood through her body. She was certain her face was red. 

She could smell Cullen better now as well. The oakmoss and elderflower she smelled from last night was still present, but she could also smell a slight musky scent. Probably some perspiration from sparring with Cassandra. It definitely was  _ not  _ unpleasant. There was also a fruity smell on his breath. He must have eaten breakfast before he sparred with Cassandra.

After a few moments, she felt Cullen begin to pull away. She sighed softly as his cheek brushed hers. Their eyes locked, amber meeting green and gold. Cullen was still holding some of her hair and running it along his fingers, even though he wore gloves.

She suddenly started to feel the glass jars slipping through her fingers. She lurched forward with a gasp and tried to catch them. Cullen leaned forward at the same time and helped save the jars, settling them in Laurelin’s hands. Laurelin’s heart was racing. She told herself it was because she had nearly lost her jars, and not because Cullen had been so close to her a moment ago or because she had felt his stubbled cheek brush against her skin...

Cassandra cleared her throat, causing Laurelin to look over to the Seeker quickly. She had a knowing smirk on her face, which made Laurelin scowl and blush fiercely.

**“So, the consensus?”**

Both Laurelin and Cullen looked at Cassandra in confusion, which just made the Seeker chuckle. **“The scent. Cullen, do you think the male soldiers would enjoy it as well?”**

Laurelin heard Cullen sigh. **“Right. Umm, well, yes, it smells very good.”**

Laurelin quickly looked at Cullen in surprise. He thought she smelled good? Cullen began to try and explain himself while Laurelin smiled and looked down at the ground to hide the blush she felt in her cheeks.

**“I mean, yes! It’s very pleasant. Uh, perhaps, though, some spicy elements should be added? For the men’s soap, I mean! The ladies’ scent is fine just the way it is. It’s perfect...”**

Laurelin’s blush intensified, and she walked over to Cassandra, who was chuckling. She handed the glass jars to Cassandra with a smile on her face.

**“Here you go, Cassandra. Please, feel free to use them if you’d like. I have plenty. This pale green one is the soap, and the light purple is the lotion.”**

Cassandra took the jars and smiled back at Laurelin. **“If you are certain, Herald... Thank you! I believe I will go do that right now, and I get to use the lake first, Commander! I did win this morning’s sparring match, after all...”**

Cullen scoffed and began to argue but Cassandra was already hurrying toward the camp. That just make Cullen chuckle and shake his head while Laurelin laughed softly.

After a few moments, Cullen and Laurelin looked at each other and then smiled. They began walking toward the camp again. Cullen spoke first.

**“Most people think Cassandra is so serious and hard, but that’s because she knows how important the Inquisition is and how much it could help people. She believes in it so much, as we all do. Sometimes that intensity can turn people off. But she has her fun moments as well.”**

Laurelin smiled and nodded her head. **“Yes, I agree. She was so serious when I first met her, understandably so since she was dealing with a prisoner, the temple had blown up, and there was a large tear in the sky... But I have been learning more about her as we’ve spent more time together. I enjoyed packing with her a couple days ago. She has an awkward but adorable sense of humor.”**

Cullen chuckled. **“That is an accurate way to describe it. Umm...”**

Laurelin looked over at Cullen when he paused in what he was saying. **“Yes, Commander?”**

They were still walking, and Cullen kept his eyes focused on the ground in front of him. **“I hope that.. Uh... I didn’t make you uncomfortable earlier. With the soap thing, I mean.”**

Laurelin laughed softly and shook her head. **“No, it was fine. I’m glad you like how it smells. I would love to create some for the soldiers, as well as lotion. I think your idea of adding spices for the men’s is a great idea. I’ll have to work with Varric on the local spices to see which ones would be best.”**

This made Cullen chuckle and look over at her. **“Yes, but just make sure you don’t ask him to taste your mix of spices first.”**

This comment surprised Laurelin, but she started laughing, which caused Cullen to laugh as well. She didn’t know Cullen had such a good sense of humor. No wonder he and Cassandra had been joking around after sparring. They both were normally so serious, but in small company, they had fun personalities. If they weren’t so serious normally, though, they probably wouldn’t be as good at commanding as they were. They took their roles in the Inquisition seriously and worked so hard to make sure it was running well and helping the people of  Thedas .

Laurelin and Cullen walked the rest of the way to the camp in companionable silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notice how Cullen could have easily smelled the lotion and soap in the jars Laurelin was holding, but neither one of them thought of that option? Nope, went right for smelling her hair! :D


	8. The Rift

Everyone but Cassandra ate breakfast together near the camp’s fire. When Cassandra came back from the lake, the men decided to go to the lake together to save on time.

A couple hours later, the odd mix of companions were a quarter of the way to the Dennet farm. Between Varric’s stories and Cassandra and Solas’ occasional comments, the afternoon passed by pleasantly. 

Varric made his own smart comment about 3 hours into their journey, **“So, who do you think is the toughest: Josephine, Leliana, or Cassandra?”**

Cassandra spoke in her normal dead-pan voice, **“I'm right here, you know.”**

Varric shrugged and began climbing the hill that they needed to pass to get to the area they wanted to camp at. **“That doesn't rule you out, Seeker.”**

Solas piped up with his own opinion. **“Cullen's not up for consideration?”**

Varric responded in a serious voice, **“Curly? They just keep him around to look pretty.”**

Laurelin was so surprised at Varric’s response that she burst out laughing. She even had to stop walking because she was laughing so hard. Meanwhile, she heard Cullen’s irritated voice behind her, though he didn’t sound too upset. She could have sworn she heard a hint of humor in his voice, as well.

**“I’ll repeat the Seeker. I’m right here, Varric...”**

Varric and Cullen continued to shoot comments back and forth. And then, Laurelin’s laughter twisted into a hiss when she felt a sharp pain in her hand. She brought her hand up to her face. The Mark was sparking with green light and humming. Solas was instantly at her side and holding her hand, inspecting it. Laurelin was looking around them.

**“I think a rift is nearby...”**

This caused Cassandra, Varric, and Cullen to start looking around as well. Solas began moving her hand in different directions. When he moved it further to the left, the Mark began sparking more and her hand burned. Solas nodded in that direction.

**“It’s that way, to the left, over the hill.”**

Everyone started heading in the direction Solas pointed. Everyone but Laurelin. She breathed in deep, held it, and let it out shakily. Could she do this again? Could she close the rift? She had closed a couple that first day at the Temple of Sacred Ashes... but was it a fluke? She knew Varric was joking last night, but really, would she be able to do this again? She didn’t even really remember how she had done it before.

Cullen looked behind him as the others started climbing the hill. His eyes locked on Laurelin, and then he quickly moved back to her.

**“Hey, are you alright? What’s wrong?”**

Laurelin was staring after the others, but when Cullen reached her, she took a deep breath and shook her head. She looked over at him and forced a smile.

**“Umm, nothing. Nothing, Commander. I’ll be fine. Let’s hurry to catch up with the others.”**

Cullen opened his mouth, but he didn’t say anything. He seemed to be thinking through something. He finally closed his mouth and nodded.

**“Alright, Herald. Just remember that we’re here to support you. If you need something, just say it, alright?”**

Laurelin looked over at him and tried to smile. **“Yes, Commander, I will. Thank you.”**

She pulled her staff out of the sheath on her back and started jogging to catch up with the rest of the group. Cullen was right behind her.

Laurelin had quickly caught up with the group, and they had all reached the top of the hill together. She sighed when she saw the large, dark green rift. It was in a valley. So, they’d have to go back down the other side of the hill to reach it. The rift looked... angry. That wasn’t the Fade she was used to, the Fade that she almost thought of as a friend. That made  _ her  _ angry. She thought the rifts were just tears in the veil, but it seemed like the Fade was becoming infected, at least where the rifts were.

Cassandra began talking. **“Cullen, you and I will go down to the rift and fight the demons directly. Varric, you stand over there on the bottom edge of the hill, and use your crossbow.** **Solas, stand above Varric and cast your magic. Herald, move a few steps down but stay on the hill. You can cast your magic from there. As soon as all of the demons are gone, close the rift immediately. Alright everyone, let’s go!”**

Cassandra and Cullen began jogging down the hill, and Solas and Varric went off to the right. Laurelin scowled at the rift, spun her staff, and moved a few steps down the hill. Cullen and Cassandra had just arrived at the rift when the first large black demon emerged. Laurelin instantly cast a barrier around the two warriors. She looked over at Varric and Solas, but they were already shimmering with a barrier Solas had placed around them. Varric was firing off Bianca, and Solas was casting ice magic at wisps that were coming near them.

Laurelin concentrated on the rift. She remembered that when they were fighting the pride demon, she had used her mark to connect to the rift and weaken the demon. She held out her hand, which was still burning. She winced as she started to feel more energy coming out of her Mark and connecting with the rift. It felt like her very essence was being pulled out of her, but she kept concentrating. When the rift started pulling even more and her hand began to move forward, Laurelin closed her eyes, gritted her teeth, and pulled her hand back, hard. A bright green burst filled the area. She opened her eyes and saw that the demons had stilled. They almost seemed to be in a trance. She smiled and cast another barrier around Cullen and Cassandra.

Green energy started pulsing around them, and she could see more demons coming through the rift. Cassandra called out, **“Here comes the second wave!”**

Laurelin began focusing on the rift again. However, she felt a strong energy behind her. She heard a distance voice yell out, **“Herald, behind you!”**

She thought it sounded like Cullen’s voice. She had already been turning around when Cullen had called out to her. In front of her floated a demon with long, stringy white hair. It screamed at her and started to blow an icy blast at her, but Laurelin was fast and had already cast a barrier around herself. The demon lunged at her, and Laurelin held her staff out in front of her. She strengthened her barrier and used the energy from it and her staff to shove the demon back. It temporarily stunned the demon, but soon it was lunging at her again.

Laurelin saw a flash of silver out of the corner of her eye, and suddenly the demon’s head exploded. The black, tar-like substance covered Laurelin. She froze as she was covered. Then, she reached up and started scooping the material out of her eyes until she could see. Cullen was now standing in front of her with a scowl on his face. He was covered in the black demon substance as well.

She heard Solas calling over to her, **“Herald, the rift!** **Close the rift, NOW!”**

Laurelin quickly spun around and held her hand out toward the rift. She focused. Once again, she began feeling the tugging on her hand, but this time, it was stronger as she was trying to completely close the rift this time, not just weaken the demons. She felt the rift fighting her, but then she focused past it and into the Fade itself. She recognized small traces of the true Fade, her old friend. She focused on that and began to manipulate the Fade like she had always done in the past. Finally, in a large flash of light and sound, the rift snapped shut, causing Laurelin to stumble backwards a few steps. Cullen quickly caught her.

Everyone was breathing heavily, but they were hurrying up the hill toward her. Cullen eased her back to her feet and removed his hands. Cassandra was pulling her water bottle out of her rucksack, and Solas was getting out clean cloth. Cassandra handed Solas the water bottle, and Solas drenched the cloth. Then, he walked over to Laurelin and reached to start wiping her face. Laurelin reached forward, though, and took the cloth.

**“Thank you, Cassandra and Solas, but I can manage.”** She started wiping her face, starting with her eyes. Varric smiled at the group and slapped Solas on the back as Solas was drenching another cloth in water.

**“Nice work, team! Chuckles, you really saved my ass there a few times.”**

Solas made a dry remark, **“And what a large task that is.” He handed the cloth to Cullen.**

Everyone, minus Cullen and Solas, chuckled. Then, Cassandra spoke, the relief dripping from her voice.

**“Yes. Everyone did a good job. That was quite impressive.”**

Suddenly, Cullen’s angry voice came from behind her. **“Why were you only using barrier magic, Herald? Why didn’t you cast some offensive spell at that demon?!”**

Everyone grew silent and Laurelin turned around to look at Cullen in confusion. She was still wiping the black material from her face. Cullen had already removed most of it from his own face. He must have scrubbed hard as his face was quite red.

**“Excuse me, Commander?”**

Cullen glared at her and stepped closer. **“What would you have done if I hadn’t come and killed that demon? Would you have kept shoving it away with your staff?! You could have been killed!”**

Laurelin could feel Cassandra step up behind her. **“Commander, it’s alright...”**

Cullen continued to glare at Laurelin, which was making her start to frown in return. She could feel the heat rising in her blood and face. She was getting angry.

Cullen glanced at Cassandra. **“It’s not alright! She was being attacked and didn’t do anything!”**

Laurelin’s frown turned into a glare of her own and she stepped closer to Cullen. **“I was casting a barrier, Commander. It is very strong and will hold through many things. I cast one on you and Cassandra. Surely you felt it.”**

Cullen looked back down at Laurelin. **“** **Of course I felt it. That’s not the point! What if we had all become incapacitated and you were on your own? How would you have saved yourself? Your barrier would have been broken if you were swarmed by demons. You would have died!”**

Laurelin hissed her next words, **“But I didn’t! You all fought hard and defeated them all.** **I have faith in all of you!”**

Cullen opened his mouth to reply, but Cassandra stepped forward, looking at both of them. Her voice was soft but firm.

**“Enough. Let’s finish heading to the area we plan to camp at, set up camp, and then you both can wash off that demon blood. We can talk about this later.”**

Laurelin and Cullen were both glaring at each other, but they finally nodded and began heading toward the area they had planned to camp at. It was a silent trip this time. Laurelin felt wrung out and sore. She didn’t know if that was from closing the rift or being so angry at Cullen. She just wanted to get to the camp area, bathe, and go to bed.


	9. Dealing with the Past

A couple hours later, they arrived at the camp site. Silently, Varric began building the fire they would need to stay warm and to cook while the rest of them began unpacking the tents. When they started to set them up, however, Cassandra stood up and looked at Laurelin.

**“Herald, why don’t you go wash up in the lake?”**

Cullen heard Laurelin begin to argue. **“I want to help set up camp, first.”**

Cullen was busy hammering a peg into one of the corners of Cassandra’s tent, so he couldn’t see her, but he could imagine the stern look on her face.

**“I insist, Herald. Cullen and I will finish setting up the tents. Go and clean up. Take your time. Lunch won’t be ready for awhile.”**

Cullen shook his head as he heard Laurelin sigh but then saw her grab her bags out of the corner of his eye and leave in the direction of the lake.

Behind him, he heard Varric clear his throat. **“Uh, Seeker, Chuckles and I are going to go hunt for lunch. You and Curly here... well, good luck setting up.”**

Cullen sighed and stood up when he heard Varric and Solas’ retreating footsteps. He was picking out another peg from his handful when he spoke, **“Subtle, Cassandra. I’m sure no one suspected anything...”**

Cassandra turned around, shrugged, picked up a nearby hammer, grabbed one of the pegs Cullen was holding, and knelt down to begin hammering a corner of her tent.

**“After that scene between you and the Herald, I don’t need to be subtle about anything, Cullen.”**

Cullen frowned and picked another corner to begin hammering. **“I'm surprised that you had nothing to say yourself back there.”**

Cassandra quipped back, **“I think you said more than enough for the both of us. I was going to bring it up calmly, though, after we had set up camp and eaten lunch.”**

Cullen didn’t say anything and just started hammering harder.

**“I don’t know what it is between you two, but sometimes you bring out the worst in each other. I spoke with her about this as well. Is it always going to be like this?”**

Cassandra moved to the last corner of her tent. Cullen scoffed, stood up, and began picking up the 2 long poles they needed.

**“How was I supposed to react when she almost got herself killed? She didn’t cast a single offensive spell, Cassandra! You know that I am the last person to encourage someone to use magic, but she is a mage, and that is how she is supposed to fight. She can’t just cast barriers and expect to make it through all of this!”**

Cassandra stood up and grabbed the front end of her tent. Cullen walked over, and he and Cassandra worked on getting the tent placed correctly on the end of the pole. Then, Cullen raised the pole up and set it in the hole he had made earlier. When he was done, Cassandra was standing by the tent supply bag with her arms folded, staring at him. Cullen sighed and shook his head.

**“She just stood there while everyone else did the fighting. I would think that would make you angry as well.”**

Cassandra shook her head, but when she spoke, there was no anger in her voice. Cullen would have preferred she yelled at him.

**“I don’t think that’s why you are so angry, Cullen. This wasn’t your typical irritation that you experience with her.”**

Cullen shook his head and walked closer to Cassandra. He hated it when she spoke this way, with a calm and knowing voice.

**“Really? Well, please share your insight, Cassandra. You think it’s because the last dose of lyrium I had was this morning, when you gave it to me before we began sparring, don’t you? You think I was angry due to withdrawal.”**

Cassandra sighed and shook her head. **“No, that’s not it. I think you were angry, and still are, because you are afraid that the Herald will die.”**

Cullen stared at Cassandra, waiting for her to finish her revelation, but when she didn’t, he looked at her confusion, **“Well, of course I am, just as I’m certain we all are!”**

Cassandra shook her head again. Would she stop doing that? **“No, Cullen. It’s not just that, and I think you know it. I saw how you two interacted this morning. Yes, sometimes you bring out the worst in each other, but other times, you seem to lighten each other. Last night, you seemed as if the burden you’re carrying was a little lighter as you interacted with her, just as you did this morning.”**

Cullen narrowed his eyes at Cassandra. Now she was going too far, and she was way off base. Before he could say anything, though, Cassandra sat on a nearby log and then gestured for him to sit next to her. Cullen weighed his options. He really didn’t want to talk with her about this. He couldn’t really go hunting with Varric and Solas, and he most certainly couldn’t go to the lake with Laurelin. And if he didn’t let Cassandra say what she wanted to, he knew she would just keep trying to until she wore Cullen down. So, Cullen sighed and sat down on the log beside her. He rubbed his forehead.

**“Cassandra, I don’t know what you’re trying to say. Well, I do, but you’re completely wrong. The Herald and I barely know each other, and you know that I don’t...”** Cullen's voice trailed off.

Cassandra kept her gaze on Cullen and nodded. **“I know you don’t become involved with anyone romantically, Cullen. You don’t want to involve anyone in the darker aspects of your life. I know that you have a woman from the village you spent time with occasionally, a former shop owner. I also know that she was the one that propositioned you. You know Leliana would find out the moment you began doing that. There is nothing wrong with that, but I also know that you have nothing more than a physical relationship with her.”**

Cullen could feel his face flood with heat, and he pinched the bridge of his nose. **“Maker’s breath... Do we really need to have this conversation?”**

Cassandra kept speaking as if he hadn’t said anything. **“I’m also not suggesting that you currently have anything romantic with the Herald. I do know, however, that there is some kind of... spark between you two. Sometimes, I think it is good for the both of you, like it was this morning when you both seemed quite happy and relaxed. Other times, you two start a fire that consumes everyone around you. It doesn’t exactly get in the way of work, except for this afternoon.”**

Cullen sighed, lowered his hand, and looked at the surrounding trees as he tried to gather his thoughts. He knew that he had to stop letting Laurelin aggravate him. He needed to maintain control over himself, and arguing with the Laurelin was not going to help with that. She just got under his skin somehow and seemed to know exactly what buttons of his to push. But that was no excuse.

**“I apologize Cassandra. It was unprofessional of me and I...”**

Cassandra cut him off. **“Cullen, my entire point to all of this is: you got upset earlier because you saw the Herald, someone you care about in some capacity, in danger. She was vulnerable, and, as you believe, unable to protect herself. You know a barrier can only protect a person so much and for so long. You saw her being targeted and attacked by a demon, who you know can reach through a barrier and...”**

Everything snapped into place at once. Cullen turned his head, glared at Cassandra, and stood up. **“This has** **_nothing_ to do with what happened at Kinloch, Cassandra, and I resent you for trying to make that connection! I obviously have shared far too much with you.” **

Cassandra stood up to face Cullen. Her face remained calm and compassionate, which just made Cullen angrier. **“It has** **_everything_ to do with it, Cullen. You saw someone you cared about being put into what you saw as a similar situation to what you experienced in your past. You saw her helpless with nothing more than a barrier between herself and a demon. You knew that barrier wouldn’t protect her from everything the demon could possibly do to her.” **

Cullen scoffed and began walking away. **“This is ridiculous. Let this go, Cassandra! This is not your job or your place. And the demon was the one who cast the barrier, to keep me _inside_! No one cast it to keep the demon away... There’s a big difference between that and the barrier the Herald put up today!” **

This was not the first time Cassandra had tried to get him to face his past. He had told her the very basics of what had happened to him at Kinloch and Kirkwall, but that was it.

Cassandra wasted no time and was right in front of him again. She didn’t look angry, but her eyes were searing into him. **“It** **_is_ my place, Cullen. When you entrusted your sobriety to me, you made it my place. I care about you, and I see how good of a commander you are. You truly care about your soldiers and the Inquisition, and you are so dedicated to both. And you could be one of the first templars to end their dependency on lyrium. You can be free, Cullen! But you can’t expect to do that without acknowledging your past and how it affects you now. It affected you this very afternoon with the Herald.” **

Cullen was physically feeling pain now. Even though he was fighting it, images from his past were flooding his mind now. His blood was screaming for  lyrium to make it better. He was behind the barrier at Kinloch Hold again. The desire demon was standing outside the barrier, smirking sadistically at him. She was flooding his mind with images of The Hero of Ferelden and using them to control him, or to try to. She wanted to break him. But now, instead of him, Laurelin was there, and instead of Kinloch Hold, they were now on the hill from earlier. The demon was attacking her, completely destroying her, and she wasn’t able to do anything to fight it.

Cullen moaned in pain and gripped his head. He felt Cassandra’s hands on the sides of his face. He shook his head, but Cassandra kept holding on. His head and blood were on fire. He wanted  lyrium so badly.

He felt Cassandra guide him back to sitting on the log. Surprisingly, one of her strong hands began to rub his back comfortingly. She didn’t say anything. She simply stayed there with him.


	10. Touch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I really enjoyed writing this as well, especially the latter part of the scene.

Later that night, after he had taken a long bath in the lake and scrubbed the demon blood from every inch of his body  and taken one of Solas’ healing potions, Cullen found himself staring into the fire that Varric was using to cook their supper. Lunch had been more rabbit stew. It had been tasteless to him. So, he didn’t care what Varric was making for supper. He was just thankful that he didn’t have to try and do the cooking.

Laurelin suddenly sat down beside him. She looked almost as tired as he felt.

**“Commander... I am sorry for fighting with you earlier. I just wish you believed in me, in my ability to protect...”**

Cullen’s patience and energy were completely nonexistent at this point. So, he stopped her by turning to face her completely and fixing her with an intense, blazing stare.

**“You will learn how to properly defend yourself and how to attack.”**

Cullen saw a look of confusion cross Laurelin’s face. She seemed to recover quickly, though, which he had expected, and opened her mouth to argue. Cullen kept going.

**“That is the only way all of this will work. If you intend to close the rifts in the area, find help in closing the breach, and be alive afterward, you will do this. I will teach you in hand-to-hand combat, and Solas has agreed to teach you offensive magic. I don’t know why you aren’t using it, but you need to start. We’ll begin training when we are back at Haven, where it’s safe and controlled.”**

Laurelin stared at him for several long minutes. Then, she gave a short, humorless laugh, and looked at the fire. **“So, you decided all of** **this without consulting me. You decided how we were going to move forward all by yourself.”**

Before Cullen could answer her, Cassandra spoke up and walked over to sit on the other side of Laurelin. **“No. We all decided this, Herald, while Varric was cooking lunch. You can’t only rely on us. We will do everything we can to protect you, but you will, undoubtedly, have times where we can’t help you. You might find yourself alone, or we may be unable to get to you in time during a battle.”**

Laurelin was looking around at everyone in the group now. Cullen could easily see the look of betrayal on her face. He let Cassandra continue speaking to her, however. He would likely just set her off if he tried to explain this to her.

Cassandra nodded to Cullen. **“Cullen is the commander of the Inquisition, as you know. So, naturally, he would be the one to notice vulnerabilities in your approach in battle. And Solas,” she nodded toward Solas, “is a fellow mage. He would know when you should be using offensive magic and what kind. Frankly, whether you want to admit it or not, Cullen would know as well due to his training.”**

Cassandra continued but gentler this time. **“I don’t know why the Maker chose to give you the Mark, why he made you the only resource we have in closing the rifts and breach, but He did. He knew what He was doing. I know your People don’t believe in the Maker, but that really doesn’t matter right now. The fact is, you are the only person who can save Thedas right now. We are not trying to control you, Herald. We are trying to help you. We are simply dealing with reality, with what is right in front of us. You need to as well.”**

Cassandra paused for a moment. Cullen assumed it was to let Laurelin absorb everything that she had said. When Cassandra spoke again, her voice was soft, but firm. **“I know that you** **_were_ chosen for a reason, Herald. You are the First of your clan. You obviously didn’t get that position by being indecisive or ignorant. I don’t know a lot about the Dalish, though probably more than you realize. I know you are expected to become Keeper of your clan eventually. You have the ability to lead. You simply need to realize that you are capable of leading outside of your clan as well. Once you finally accept your current reality, everything else will begin to fall into place. Now, if you will excuse me, I need to send this message to Leliana, briefing her on our progress.” **

With that, Cassandra stood up and left. Once again, Solas began to follow her, but he stopped beside Laurelin and set a bowl of porridge down beside her. He also squeezed her shoulder before he left. Laurelin glared and went to shrug his hand off, but he had already removed it and went to follow Cassandra.

Varric got up as well and began to head for his tent. **“I have more writing to do. I’ll clean up when you guys are done eating.”**

Cullen sighed and shook his head when he and Laurelin were left alone. Everyone was just so  subtle in this group...

Cullen finally looked over at Laurelin. She was staring at the fire. Surprisingly, her eyes didn’t have the anger in them that he frequently saw. She actually seemed to be deep in thought, which would make sense. He didn’t want to disturb her, but he did want to make sure he said something first, before he lost the chance.

**“Herald... Laurelin, I’m sorry for how I spoke to you this afternoon. I put you on the spot, and I shouldn’t have yelled at you. It was unprofessional, and I apologize.”**

He stared at Laurelin for several minutes. She didn’t say anything, and he wasn’t even sure she had heard him. She made no indication that she had heard his words. She likely wanted to be alone with her thoughts, so, Cullen finally stood up and began to walk toward the cauldron. He’d take his supper to the lake. The moon was full tonight, and it’d look beautiful over the clear water.

He had only walked a couple of steps, though, when Laurelin’s soft voice filled his ears, **“I’m not sure that your words this** **afternoon were incorrect, though.”**

Cullen stopped walking and slowly turned around. Laurelin was still looking in the fire, but finally, her bright, glowing green eyes turned to him. He wasn’t sure he’d ever get used to her eyes. They weren’t human eyes, that much was quite clear. And they were just so bright and filled with different colors. 

Laurelin continued, **“Cassandra made a fair point. I can’t, and shouldn’t, expect everyone else to do all the fighting.”**

Cullen sighed, shook his head slightly to stop his current train of thought, and looked back at Laurelin. **“Be that as it may, I still shouldn’t have spoken to you the way that I did.”**

Laurelin scoffed softly, but not in a cruel way. **“We speak that way to each other frequently. This afternoon was no different.”**

Cullen walked back over and sat next to her once more. **“No, not like that we don’t. I was very angry when I spoke to you this afternoon, and I shouldn’t have said such things in front of your companions. I... there are some things about my past that, at times, influence my thoughts and actions. I don’t want to go into further detail than that, and that is not an excuse for my behavior earlier. However, I do want you to know that I am sorry for how I spoke to you.”**

Laurelin chuckled humorlessly and turned her body on the log to face Cullen, folding her left leg in front of her and resting her hands on her knee-high leather boot.

**“Cullen, I called you an abomination the other day. I am sorry for that, truly. That was completely uncalled for and unprofessional of me. I have wanted to apologize for that for quite some time now. Can we...”**

Laurelin sighed, **“Can we just say we are even and let this go? I forgive** **you, you forgive me? I can’t promise I won’t argue with you anymore...”**

Both he and Laurelin chuckled at this. Cullen couldn’t help but respond to that, **“Oh, good. I was afraid we’d actually have to try and be nice to each other now.”**

Laurelin laughed louder at this. He loved her laugh. The sound entranced him, and her eyes sparkled. She tried to continue with what she had been saying, **“However! I do hope we can move on from what we perceive as slights against each other.”**

Cullen stared at her for a few moments. She  _ did  _ seem sincere. She even had a rare look of vulnerability in her eyes. He could tell that it was scary for her to try and trust him.

Cullen finally smiled softly and held out his hand to her. **“I agree.”**

Laurelin looked down at his hand for a few moments. Did the  Dalish shake hands? Had she ever seen anyone back at camp shake hands? Did she know what he was doing?

Laurelin finally looked back up at him, smiled, and placed her smooth hand in his rougher one. He wasn’t wearing gloves this evening. He had washed the demon blood out of them earlier, and they were drying on the other side of the fire. This was the first time he had really felt her skin against his. His cheek had brushed against hers this morning, but that had been so brief. His ears picked up a soft sigh that escaped Laurelin’s lips. Her skin was so soft, and he could feel the power flowing underneath it. He wasn’t going to lie and say that the lyrium in his blood wasn’t calling out to the magic in hers, but he didn’t think that was why his hand closed around hers. He couldn’t blame the lyrium in his blood for bringing his other hand up and covering the top of hers. He told himself that it was because her hand felt chilled.

They stared at each other for several silent moments, neither moving to pull their hand away. Cullen finally spoke, though he wished his voice didn’t sound so low or rough. He cleared his throat and tried again.

**“I was worried about you this afternoon. I saw the demon appear behind you and I...”**

He shook his head to try and clear it of the imagine of that afternoon. He moved to run one of his hands through the strands of raven-black hair that had fallen over one of her shoulders. He had wanted to feel it against his skin since this morning. It was so soft, just like her skin. Without the hood of her cloak covering her hair, he could see the dark color reacting to the bright fire beside them. Her hair had a brilliant, dark red sheen to it. That, along with her multi-colored, glowing eyes, and the black tattooed lines around her eyes and cheeks, made her seem like a creature from ancient times, from the stories his mother used to read to him of distant lands and times.

Her hair was long enough that he was able to bring his hand back down and still run strands of it through his fingers. **“Why didn’t you attack this afternoon, Laurelin? Why did you only cast barriers? Surely you were trained how to use offensive magic when you were younger.”**

Laurelin sighed softly, pulled her hand away from Cullen’s, and leaned back. **“Cullen... I can’t... I can’t give you details. I can’t tell you why.”**

Cullen frowned in confusion. **“Why? What’s wrong with telling me why you refuse to do any type of offensive magic?”**

Laurelin frowned as well, though it wasn’t an angry one like he had seen in the past, **“I can’t tell you... You wouldn’t understand... Or you** **_would_ , but you wouldn’t like what I had to say.” **

Realization dawned on him. Cullen shook his head and turned back to face the fire with a scoff. **“You’re right. I do understand. You can’t reveal something to a former templar that could reveal any possible weakness you have.”**

Laurelin shook her head. **“That’s not it... That’s not quite...”**

Cullen cocked his head to the side to look at her. **“Oh, that’s** **not quite right? But I’m close, then?”**

Laurelin growled lowly. **“If you would let me finish a sentence, I would explain exactly what I’m trying to say.”**

Cullen remained silent and looked at her expectantly.

Laurelin sighed and continued. **“I can’t reveal details of my clan or how I was raised. I can’t tell you much about my past. It’s... you are...”**

He saw her actually wince and look down at her hand. **“You still have your connections with the Order** **and templars...”**

Cullen knew what was coming, he had known since she had started trying to explain herself. And really, could he be mad at her for it, for her beliefs? He thought back to what he had believed about mages after  Kinloch Hold and how he had treated them. But what hurt was that there was a part of her that believed he could, that he  _ would _ , share anything she told him with the Order. She really believed that about him?

Cullen shook his head, laughed darkly, and stared at the fire. He had to bite his tongue to keep himself from saying anything he might regret later.

Our of the corner of his eye, he saw Laurelin stand up with the bowl Solas had left for her earlier. When she spoke, she almost sounded sad. But Cullen was likely just hearing what he wanted to hear.

**“I’m sorry, Cullen...”**

She left, likely going back to her tent. He was still staring at the fire. **“As am I.”**


	11. A Trader's Secret

The next few days passed rather uneventfully and quietly. They met with Dennet and his family, confirmed the location of the rift and the wild wolves, and also obtained a few other minor requests for assistance. Laurelin and her companions completed everything without incident... mostly. One of the wolves had bitten Laurelin’s arm, and Varric had a burn on his leg from a particularly nasty demon they encountered at the rift. They had been bandaged, though, and Solas and Laurelin were able to completely heal them after 3 days.

Even Cullen and Laurelin’s argument about how much and how many horses to ask for had been expected. Cassandra, Cullen, and Laurelin had been talking about the details of the upcoming negotiation, and, like everyone in the group expected, Cullen and Laurelin began arguing.

**“Herald, we have closed the rift for Master Dennet, we destroyed the wild wolves, and we even helped his daughter set up a racetrack. That is more than enough reason to request a significant discount on the horses.”**

Laurelin had glared at Cullen, **“I know this already, Commander.** **As I keep telling you, I have experience with trading! But if we immediately start our conversation asking for a discount, we’ll anger him and he’ll refuse to budge.”**

Cullen had scoffed. **“** **Of course I’m not suggesting we discuss it right away. But if we did it your way, we would pay far more for the horses and receive far fewer of them for the army.”**

Laurelin had moved closer to him to show that she was standing her ground, **“These horses are the best, Commander, and if we don’t treat them as such, if we don’t negotiate in that way, we won’t manage to obtain a single one.”**

Cassandra, Solas, and Varric had finally just walked away and let the 2 argue to their hearts’ content.

The next day, Cassandra insisted that Laurelin be the one to attempt the negotiation first. She believed in her, and she thought Master Dennet might be more willing to lower the price and provide more horses to the Herald of Andraste. Cullen wasn’t sure about this, but Cassandra had a fair point. So, he observed the Herald from a distance, where Dennet’s wife was showing the group some of their horses. He could still hear Laurelin’s words, and he could tell that Cassandra was listening intently as well, even if she was inspecting the horses at the same time.

**“Master Dennet, your horses are the finest in the land. You know this. And we appreciate you giving us the opportunity to come and observe them so closely. They truly are magnificent.”**

Dennet nodded, and a proud smile spread on his face. **“That they are, Herald. That they are. I will say, I am grateful to you and your companions for protecting them, and my family. Normal wolves we might have been able to handle, but ones of such size and aggression, and then a tear in the Fade appearing nearby? Half of our horses would have been decimated by the end of the month.”**

Cullen watched as Laurelin smiled at Dennet, a true smile, and looked over at the horses. Her eyes caught Cullen’s, but she quickly moved them over to the horses. **“That would have been a true loss, Master Dennet. I am very glad we were able to save them.”**

Dennet nodded and looked away from his horses and back to Laurelin. **“I am indebted to you for your assistance, Herald.”**

**“Master Dennet, we both know that the Inquisition needs horses, and we would be grateful to have such magnificent ones as yours. However, I don’t know how we could possibly take as good of care of them as you have. I’m not sure they would thrive under any other’s care.”**

Cullen’s eyes widened and he looked back at Cassandra. Wasn’t she going to step in? What was the Herald doing?! At this rate, with how much Laurelin was complimenting the horses, they were only going to be able to afford 5 of the horses, at most! But Cassandra simply shook her head slightly and then asked Dennet’s wife another question.

Cullen groaned softly in frustration and turned his attention to Laurelin again. Dennet himself was looking slightly uncomfortable. Fantastic... now she was angering the  horse master himself.

Dennet sighed, **“It’s true that I would be able to care for them best. However, I do have stable hands I can send with the horses who are skilled.”**

Laurelin’s smile fell, as did Cullen’s stomach. **“I’m certain they** **_are_ skilled, but you are the horse master. You obviously are the best. I can tell that your horses are loyal to you. I am concerned they would wilt under anyone else’s care.” **

Dennet sighed again. **“But my family is here... And I can’t leave the farm.”**

At this point, Cassandra passed Cullen and walked over to Dennet and Laurelin. **“Master Dennet, the Inquisition would provide for your family. We would provide for them as well as any additional labor it would cost to cover your work here on the farm."  
**

Laurelin nodded. **“And the Inquisition would benefit greatly from having you in the ranks, sir. Haven is also quite close. You can still visit your family frequently, and they you.”**

Dennet seemed to consider a few more moments before he sighed loudly and nodded. **“Alright. If you take care of my family financially in my absence and you fund the care and feed that will be required for my horses, I will go with you and take care of the horses. If I am to leave, I would want to bring all but 3 horses with me so that I can take proper care of all of them. I need to leave 3 horses here for my family to use. You would own half of my large group of horses, and I would bring the other half with me to care for. The Inquisition can use them if need be, but that half will remain mine. Deal?”**

Dennet held out his hand. Laurelin smiled and shook his hand firmly. Cullen was absolutely floored. **“Deal, Master Dennet. Thank you. Cassandra will work out the details with you. I will go and inform our group. I’m sure it will take a few days before you can leave.”**

Dennet nodded. **“Yes, it will be, but you can each pick out a horse to ride back with you. They’ll be yours, as a personal thank you from me and my family for helping us with the wolves and rift.”**

Laurelin smiled and nodded to him. **“That is truly generous. Thank you, Master Dennet. I look forward to seeing you back at Haven in a few days.”**

Cullen watched as Laurelin began walking back to them. He couldn’t help but stare in awe at her. They just got half of Dennet’s horses practically for free. Yes, they’d have to financially take care of his family, but that was still cheaper than having to buy all of those horses of that quality.

Laurelin had finally reached his side, and he could clearly see her proud smirk. **“Did you enjoy listening to that Commander?”**

Cullen didn’t know what to say. He was still so shocked. Laurelin chuckled softly and went over to a light brown chestnut mare. She whispered a few words of elvish to the horse and started to pat the mare’s neck.

**“Master Dennet was the true treasure here, Commander. We need his expertise. No one will take better care of these horses than he will. He’ll also be able to breed some of them back at camp. We can negotiate for the colts in the future.”**

A small smile was starting to form on Cullen’s face, though he didn’t realize it. He crossed his arms loosely over his chest and leaned back against one of the fence posts. Apparently, he really had underestimated her skill. She hadn't needed him here at all. She had handled herself just fine on her own, better than fine, actually. That comforted Cullen far more than obtaining the horses.

Laurelin spoke a few words to Dennet’s wife, who then handed Laurelin a saddle. Laurelin whispered a few elvish words to the horse again and began to saddle the beautiful mare.

**“First rule of trading, Commander: be able to identify the true prize, and, then, know its value.”**

Cullen smirked and shook his head. Laurelin smiled over at Cullen, making his throat catch. **“Choose your horse, Commander. I know you could hear everything that was said with Master Dennet. He has graciously given each of us our own horse.”**

She looked behind her and nodded toward a horse while she continued to saddle her own. **“There is a beautiful cream-colored horse in the back over there that I think would match well with you. He looks strong and steady.”**

She turned her head back to Cullen and smirked playfully. **“I can tell by his eyes, though, that he has quite a stubborn streak. I do hope you know how to handle that.”**

Cullen chuckled and watched as Laurelin continued to saddle her horse. Varric came up to him after a few moments, and, in true Varric fashion, was immensely helpful...

**“You’re drooling, Curly...”**

Cullen sighed loudly and looked down at the mischievous dwarf he had known for years, though he hadn’t truly gotten to know until they both joined the Inquisition. Varric liked his jokes, but he actually, truly cared about his friends. So, Cullen usually wasn’t upset at Varric’s quips at his expense. But he did know he had to watch what he said to the man.

**“By the way, Curly, just out of curiosity, would you say you prefer dark black hair on a woman, or, say red hair, like The Hero of Ferelden has? Also, do you like women a little spicy or sweet? I originally thought sweet, but now, I think you might actually prefer things a little spicy...”**

Cullen simply shook his head and smirked, even though he knew his face was heating up. **“Nice try, Varric.** **I know you’ve started writing one of your books again, and I refuse to play a part in any of it.”**

Varric sighed dramatically in disappointment, and then he walked off, likely to pick a horse of his own. Cullen walked over to Laurelin when he saw that she was finished saddling her horse and was getting ready to mount.

** “Allow me.” **

Laurelin looked at him in confusion, but when Cullen nodded to the horse, a look of realization appeared on her face. Then, she smiled and shook her head.

** “Oh, well, thank you, Commander, truly. However, I don’t need...” **

Cullen caught her eyes before she could look away and refuse his offer. He held her gaze for several long moments before Laurelin’s cheeks flushed faintly and she nodded her head. He was trying to make peace with her, and apologize for not believing in her ability to handle this task.

** “Alright... Thank you, Commander.” **

Cullen nodded and held onto the side of the saddle. As Laurelin put her boot into one of the stirrups, he placed his hand on her waist and helped give her leverage to get onto the horse. He could feel his own cheeks flushing, but when Laurelin looked down at him and smiled, he didn’t really care. He smiled and patted the neck of the horse.

** “You chose a fine mare, Herald. She seems calm but strong. She didn’t flinch once as you saddled her.” **

He looked over at Laurelin, and her smile grew. She rubbed her hand on the other side of the horse’s neck. ** “Yes, we made a connection as soon as I saw her. She’s magnificent, and also quite amiable.” **

Cullen almost wanted to ask her if she had actually been communicating with her horse earlier when she was speaking to her, but that would sound completely ridiculous. There were legends that elves were so connected to nature that they were able to communicate with it. Cullen had always wondered if that was true, but he definitely wasn’t going to ask Laurelin about it. They were actually getting along for the moment.

Cullen spoke with her for a few more minutes about horses before he went to find his own... which did turn out to be the one Laurelin had picked out for him earlier. Her observation skills for horses  were uncanny. The horse was large and strong, and he had snorted a few times as Cullen interacted with him, but they had begun to form a bond. Cullen liked his spirit.

It was in the early afternoon before they all had saddled and loaded up and were riding back to camp. It would only take them 3 days to get back to Haven now, thanks to the horses.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to start showing some of Laurelin's good qualities. She was chosen as the First of her clan for a reason. I will reveal more things like this about her, but she also has a long way to go with the Inquisition.


	12. A Breakfast Invitation

**** 5 days later ****

Laurelin was in the War Room the morning after she and her companions had returned from the Hinterlands. Thankfully, they were allowed to bathe, eat, and sleep first. Then, the advisors gathered for their regular morning meeting to debrief. She, Cullen, and Cassandra filled Leliana and Josephine in on the details and results of their 3- week mission.

At the end, even Leliana was smiling.  ** “Good work everyone. I know it took a lot of time, but you performed admirably. Mother Giselle arrived last week.” **

Laurelin nodded. ** “I spoke with her a few minutes ago as I was coming here. I am pleased that she made it safely and has settled in well.” **

Josephine smiled brightly at Laurelin.  ** “We also received a message from Master Dennet. He and his horses will be arriving in 3 days. Very well done, Herald.” **

Laurelin blushed and looked down at the map. ** “Thank you... It was a group effort, though.” **

Cullen chuckled softly,  ** “I didn’t know the Herald was capable of modesty.” **

Laurelin gasped and looked up at Cullen, ready to protest his observation. When she saw the glint in his eyes, though, she knew he was teasing her. She laughed softly and shook her head. She didn’t say anything, though. She looked back at the map.

Cullen continued.  ** “Actually, the Herald was masterful with Master Dennet and the negotiation for the horses. She singlehandedly convinced him to work with the Inquisition, and we received half of his horses for free. Now, yes, we’ll need to financially support his family, but that is still far cheaper than paying for all of those horses. None of us could have done better.” **

Laurelin’s face was so hot, and she knew her face must be bright red. She looked back up at Cullen, though.  ** “I wouldn’t have been able to even make it to Dennet’s farm, though, if it wasn’t for you all. I wouldn’t have made it past the rift. It really was a group effort. Thank you.” **

Cullen smiled and inclined his head toward her. His face was bright red as well.

Laurelin whipped her head to thank Cassandra as well, but Josephine and Leliana were staring at her, and then they stared at Cullen. Their eyes were huge. She had never seen Leliana shocked before. She didn’t k now anything could surprise the spymaster.

Finally, Josephine turned to Cassandra. ** “Cassandra... you have performed a miracle!” **

Laurelin quickly looked back at the map, trying to hide her utter embarrassment. She heard Cassandra respond to Josephine. ** “I wish I could claim credit for this... but they have been like this since we left Master Dennet’s farm. ** **** ** They haven’t had one argument... I’m almost frightened.” **

Laurelin groaned and scrubbed her face with her hands. She knew her face had to be furiously red.  ** “Okay! Okay. Haha. Can we please move onto the next piece of business, please?” **

They continued on with the rest of the meeting, though there were a few quips sprinkled in by Josephine and Leliana. Despite that, it was actually the most relaxed meeting they had had in the War Room.

After they were done, Cullen approached Laurelin. ** “Well, that was fun...” ** He chuckled softly.

Laurelin laughed and shook her head as she continued to look at the map.  ** “Yes. That was... odd.” **

She looked up at Cullen and smiled, ** “Thank you, for what you said before, about the negotiation. You didn’t have to, but it was nice of you to do so, and it was nice to hear.” **

Cullen shrugged, and his face was heating up again. Poor man. That happened a lot with him, which likely embarrassed him, but Laurelin just found it endearing. Here was this tall, broad-shouldered man who looked like he could take down a group of soldiers by himself, and, yet, he embarrassed easily when talking with her. She actually found herself liking that about him, though she knew she had to stop thinking about things like that concerning him.

** “Well, it is the truth, Herald, er, Laurelin. ** **** ** I’m sorry. I get so used to calling you by your title when we’re around others that it’s difficult for me to remember to use your given name when we’re...  ** ** uh.. ** ** Not... around others, I mean.” **

Cullen chuckled nervously and shook his head slowly. Laurelin had turned around and was now leaning against the War Table, enjoying watching Cullen in front of her. She decided to take pity on him, though. She crossed her arms and spoke softly.

** “It’s alright, Cullen. I find it difficult switching between your title and your name as well at times.” **

She sighed, pushed off the table with her hip, and began walking to the door. ** “But we’ll get used to it. It will just take time.” **

Laurelin heard Cullen take a few large steps, and he reached the door first. He opened it for her. Laurelin smiled and nodded to him in appreciation. As she looked at him, though, she could see that he was trying to say something to her, so she didn’t walk through the door, yet. She was patient and waited for him to find the words. He was rubbing the back of his neck again, which made her smile softly.

** “I was wondering, Laurelin... Umm, you see, I don’t have anything for the next hour. Our meeting finished a little early, and I don’t have to get back to the soldiers for  ** ** awhile ** **. Rylen trains them in the mornings while I’m here. We’re working in 4-man groups now, did you know? We had started with 2, but now we’re working with teams of 4 so that the men have more people in their group to spar with. It creates a scenario that’s much closer to a real battle. The soldiers are learning quickly, and we were able to step up their training a week ahead of schedule.” **

Laurelin smiled kindly and rested her hand on one of his armored arms.  ** “Cullen? You were wondering something?” **

Cullen laughed softly and stopped rubbing the back of his neck. ** “I’m sorry. Sometimes I just get... well, I was just wondering if you... and if you’re busy, I understand entirely. I was just going to get some breakfast and wondered if you wanted to join me...” **

Laurelin smiled and nodded.  ** “Certainly. We can order breakfast from one of the pages at my cabin. That’s what Solas and I do. I even had a meal with Cassandra that way.” **

She walked through the doorway and put her cloak’s hood over her head as she continued on her path through the Chantry building. She didn’t see Cullen’s bright red face. She wasn’t thinking anything special about having breakfast with him, as she had done so with both Cassandra and Solas before. She certainly didn’t see anything awkward about having it in her cabin. She had never eaten at the tavern before. She had never even gone in there before. It was too loud and full of people.

** “I might even have something other than porridge today. ** **** ** Just don’t tell... Solas! What are you doing here?” **

Laurelin had just exited the Chantry with Cullen behind her, and to her surprise, Solas was standing outside.

Solas looked over at her and then noticed Cullen and nodded to him. ** “Good morning  ** ** lethalin ** ** , Commander. ** **** ** I’m here to start your offensive magic training, remember?” **

At first, Laurelin stared blankly at him. Then, the conversation the entire group had had a few nights ago in the Hinterlands came flooding back to her. They had been creating a schedule for her training. At the end of the discussion, it had been decided that  Solas would train her on utilizing offensive magic in a practical setting in the mornings, after the daily War Room meetings. Then, in the evenings, after Cullen had drilled the soldiers and taken care of Inquisition matters for the day, he would train Laurelin in hand-to-hand combat.

A look of realization dawned on her face and she looked apologetically at Solas. ** “I’m sorry Solas. I completely forgot. Yes, you are right. We are supposed to begin training today.” **

Laurelin turned and smiled sadly at Cullen. ** “I apologize Cullen. ** **** ** I need to train with Solas. Can we have breakfast tomorrow morning? ** **** ** Oh no, wait! I can’t. ** **** ** I am eating with Cassandra tomorrow morning. The next day? Of course, you might not have any time for that by then...” **

Cullen smiled and actually rested his hand on her shoulder, which, ironically, made her own face start to flush brightly. ** “It’s alright, Laurelin. Training comes first. ** **** ** Another time. Good luck with your training.” **

He squeezed her shoulder lightly before he released it and walked around her. ** “Good morning, Solas.” **

Laurelin turned around and saw Solas nod his head toward Cullen. ** “Commander.” **

When Cullen had left, Solas looked back at Laurelin and smirked.  ** “It’s Cullen, now, is it?” **

Laurelin’s face reddened even further, and she shook her head as she walked toward Solas.  ** “It’s nothing, Solas. Please, take us to where you would like to train. You know this area better than I do.” **

Solas chuckled softly. ** “And he refers to you by your given name. Yes, I am certain it is nothing,  ** ** lethalin ** **...” **

Laurelin groaned and began walking away. She didn’t know where they would be going, but if she didn’t get Solas moving soon, he’d keep talking about this...

** “Or I will go train myself...” **

Solas chuckled again and caught up to her, walking by her side. ** “I apologize. Yes, we will train. ** **** ** I have found a little grove of trees to the east of here that I think will work perfectly. It will ground you and allow you to focus better, away from all the people and noise.” **

She didn’t know why people thought Solas was so serious all the time. He joked with her and Varric often. Maybe it was his deadpan delivery that made people think he was serious all the time. Laurelin was used to it. Many elves joked that way. Not all of them, but quite a few. Humans just weren’t used to it.  Hmm.. Maybe that was a big reason as to why she liked Cassandra as well. She had a deadpan delivery, too.

Solas continued,  ** “This morning, I simply want to ascertain what all you can do, and what comes naturally to you.” **

Laurelin sighed. ** “We know what comes naturally to me. ** **** ** That’s why I’m being forced to... er...  ** **_ strongly encouraged _ ** ** to do this.” **

Solas chuckled deeply. Laurelin could have sworn she heard a hint of darkness to it, too,  ** “I know of much more unpleasant things you could be forced to do...” **

Laurelin whipped her head to look at him in complete confusion.  ** “...What?!” **

Solas smirked and moved closer to her.  ** “Are you telling me that you don’t enjoy being supposedly forced into physical training with the Commander? Oh, I’m sorry,  ** **_ Cullen _ ** **.” **

Laurelin groaned and picked up her pace,  ** “I don’t know why people think you’re so serious... You’re just a regular comedian. ** **** ** Forget training! ** **** ** I’d rather go talk with Varric about his next book. ** **** ** Hmm... I think I have an idea for his next character: A busy-body elf who thinks he’s terribly clever! I’ll give him some interesting ideas on how to  ** **_ flesh out _ ** ** the character.” **

Solas gave a harsh laugh.  ** “If you’re going to speak with Varric about a book, I think Swords and Shields is more along the lines of what would interest you.” **

Laurelin stopped walking until Solas caught up. ** “You know, Cassandra gave me a copy of that book. ** **** ** I have yet to read it. ** **** ** Maybe I will read some of it tonight and ask her about it tomorrow when I eat breakfast with her.” **

She watched as Solas glanced down at the ground for a moment. When he looked back up at her, his dark eyes were dancing with mirth. His voice was even when he spoke, however.  ** “Yes, I think that is a good idea. It will give you a new outlook on life, I can guarantee you that. Let me know how that goes,  ** ** lethalin ** **.” **

Solas and Laurelin continued on their way to train, trading jabs back and forth the entire time.


	13. A New Friendship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one is short, but I had fun writing it. I loved Cassandra when I played the game.

The next morning, Laurelin and Cassandra were eating breakfast in her cabin. She had her typical porridge, and Cassandra had some kind of meat, fruit, eggs, and few other things. Cassandra shook her head as she watched Laurelin spoon through her porridge.

** “I don’t know how you eat that every day, Herald. For one, it’s barely enough to feed a bird. For another, it looks inedible.” **

Laurelin shrugged,  ** “Well, I didn’t want to at first, but Solas apparently was correct. I tried the food Varric made and I got sick. Apparently, it will take longer for my body to adjust to human food. I tried a pie last night, and I got sick shortly after. And Cassandra, please, call me Laurelin. I keep asking you to.” **

Cassandra snorted,  ** “I heard that you added your own concoction to Varric’s stew. Don’t go blaming him for that disaster, Herald.” **

Laurelin laughed softly and shook her head as she took a bite of the porridge. Cassandra always refused to call her anything but by her title. Laurelin would keep trying, though.

** “So, Cassandra, I have started reading the book you gave me by Varric, Swords and Shields. It’s quite good!” **

Cassandra nearly choked on the eggs she had been eating. Laurelin’s eyes widened and she stood up from her bed to go pound on Cassandra’s back. She was sitting on a chair near her table across the room.

Cassandra shook her head and held up her hand. Laurelin waited a few moments, ready to leap into action if Cassandra got worse. Luckily, after a few long moments, Cassandra cleared her throat, straightened up, and lowered her hand.

** “I apologize, Herald. You... you said you are reading Swords and Shields? And you are enjoying it?” **

Laurelin was confused by the red that was starting to spread on Cassandra’s face. Maybe it was from nearly choking?

** “Yes, I am. Varric has a wonderful way of painting a detailed picture with his words, doesn’t he? ** **** ** I read the first 10 chapters very quickly.” **

Cassandra’s face reddened further.  ** “It... it didn’t bother you or make you uncomfortable? The, well, you know, with the vivid details?” **

Laurelin tilted her head in confusion at Cassandra.  ** “No, why would it?” **

Cassandra started stuttering profusely, which Laurelin really wasn’t used to with the Seeker! Laurelin was so surprised that her eyes widened considerably.

** “It’s... It’s just so... Herald! It’s so... descriptive and graphic... That doesn’t make you uncomfortable?” **

Now Laurelin understood. Her Keeper had told her that humans could be much more awkward about sexual matters. She bit her lip to keep from smiling, as she didn’t want Cassandra to possibly think she was laughing at her.

** “No, it doesn’t. I had heard that humans were a little more... conservative regarding intimate matters. We elves, though, are not. I can’t explain why. We just aren’t. Some elves even engage with multiple partners at once. I have heard that is frowned upon by humans, though I do not understand why. If it is consensual by all parties, I see no issue with it, just as the scene in Chapter 5 of the book depicts. That was a beautiful scene between the Knight Captain, Guardsman, and female human. Each party was there willingly, and each person enjoyed it.” **

Cassandra’s face was almost purple she was so red. However, she leaned a little closer to Laurelin, who was still standing near her, and said lowly,  ** “Were you sad to see the female human leave after that chapter? I was hoping she would be in the book longer.” **

Laurelin grinned.  ** “Yes! She was a beautifully-written character, and she had fantastic chemistry with the two main characters. Does she come back later in the book?” **

Cassandra looked disappointed,  ** “No, unfortunately. I was very disappointed in that... Herald, I must say that it is nice to be able to talk about this book with someone else. I... didn’t really want others to know I was reading it. So, to be able to talk with you about it... it is nice.” **

Laurelin smiled happily,  ** “I’m glad. I am also enjoying talking with you about it, too! My friends and I would have book clubs frequently. Now, often times, those books were historical, but we occasionally read a fantasy. Once I get through a few more chapters, which shouldn’t take long, I’d love to talk with you about the book again, Cassandra.” **

Cassandra looked down at the ground but nodded. ** “I... I would like that, too, Herald.” **

Laurelin smiled and then went back to sit down on her bed. ** “Although, I didn’t know humans and dwarves could experience such strong sensations during sex. I had sex once, when I was 17, but I felt nothing like what was described in the book.” **

Cassandra did spit her water out that time. She was coughing and wiping her mouth as she apologized.

Laurelin shrugged. ** “It’s fine, Cassandra. It’s just water. I know that many elves enjoy sex much more than I did, as you can hear it sometimes, or others share their experiences. Keeper Deshanna said that it was because I was young and that it will get better for me. I wonder, though, is it that or do humans experience more pleasure with sex? The characters in the books had different positions. My partner and I simply...” **

Cassandra was shaking her head repeatedly and sputtering. Her face was bright red again. ** “No... No, Herald. ** **** ** Let’s not... let’s stick with the book, yes?” **


	14. The Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This may be a difficult chapter for those to read who have been in situations before where they could have gotten hurt. I feel like this conversation was needed for Cullen, though, in order for him to progress. He's so afraid of losing control that he can't seem to move on or let anyone in. Later, I will cover how he would never hurt those he cares about. I would not put my Inquisitor in an abusive relationship, and I never once thought of Cullen as the abusive type, despite his past. But I think he believes he's dangerous. This is just one step in his long road to recovery. But I think it's important for you, the reader, to know that this will NOT be an abusive relationship. Cullen is simply dealing with his fears right now, which is understandable with everything he's gone through.
> 
> Also, after this chapter, we resume with the present. In chronological order, the training session in the first chapter would happen after this chapter. Then, we return to the story's present time.

That evening was Cullen’s first training session with Laurelin. He prayed to the Maker that it went well. He was already having a particularly rough day. Cassandra had cut his  lyrium dosage in half this morning, and his body was not responding well. His body ached, his blood felt like it was on fire, and he felt like a tight bowstring, about to snap at the tiniest provocation. He probably shouldn’t be training Laurelin today, but he had promised himself from the beginning that he wasn’t going to let his  lyrium addiction affect his duties with the Inquisition.

He watched as Laurelin walked out of her cabin with her staff. Cullen met her a few feet from her front door. He nodded to her.

** “Good evening, Laurelin. When we arrive at the training area, I first want to determine how much you can actually fight and how much you know. I know you don’t like to fight, but that doesn’t mean that you don’t know how to. I also want to gauge your reflexes.”  **

He heard Laurelin sigh, but at least she nodded in agreement.  ** “Alright, Cullen. Yes, I have received basic training on how to fight and how to defend myself and others. I simply haven’t had to put it to use since my training.” **

Cullen frowned at Laurelin. ** “Why can’t you tell me why you don’t want to attack? The knowledge would help our training. ** **** ** We could work on it together to overcome it.” **

Laurelin frowned back at him.  ** “I can’t tell you why without explaining what I am and exactly what role I have in my clan.” **

Cullen sighed, feeling the familiar anger rise in his blood. It didn’t take much today.  ** “I know you are the First in your clan and that you are a healer. You told us this the first day in the War Room.” **

He heard her groan in frustration.  ** “Those are just titles, Cullen. That doesn’t explain exactly what I do, how I do it, or how my clan operates. What if I told you how we fight and protect ourselves? What if I told you of our battle strategies, and you let it slip to one of your templar or Order friends? They could use it to kill off my clan! You might not do it purposefully, but it wouldn’t matter!” **

Cullen felt his heart drop. His blood felt like it froze over. Did he really just hear her accuse him of sharing anything she told him in confidence with someone else? Worse yet, did she honestly believe that he would betray her and allow anyone to harm her or her family and friends?

Cullen stared at her for a long moment. He still couldn’t quite believe what he heard.  But finally, he laughed darkly, shook his head and stepped away from her.

** “Well, at least I know where we stand now, finally. I guess it took you being completely honest with me to really understand what you think of me. Or perhaps you were always honest, and I just didn’t want to listen. Don’t worry, though. I get it now. I won’t bother you for anything more than Inquisition matters or training any longer.” **

He felt Laurelin’s hand on his arm, but he pulled it away. He realized that people were starting to look at them now. ** “Let’s just go train, Herald.” **

He heard Laurelin’s frustrated voice behind him.  ** “I’m sorry I was so blunt, Cullen, but you wanted to know why I don’t want to share with you the details on my reluctance to attack!” **

Cullen did not want to have this conversation with so many eyes on them, but, apparently, she insisted on it. He didn’t want her alerting everyone nearby of their business. He growled, turned on his heel, and stormed over to her. He moved close so that he could speak quietly. When he spoke, his voice was low and harsh.

** “Now is not the time to talk about this, Herald. There are too many eyes and ears nearby.” **

Laurelin frowned and moved closer to him. She always did that when they were fighting, as if she wanted to prove to him that he wasn’t intimidating her. He wasn’t trying to intimidate her. He was just trying to get her to shut up and go the training area! He glared down at her. She kept staring up at him with that stubborn glint in her eyes.

** “Alright,  ** **_ Commander _ ** **. But as you said, you will practically ignore me from here on out, so I feel like this is my only opportunity to explain myself.” **

Cullen laughed humorlessly. ** “I thought this was what you wanted, Herald. You don’t want to interact with a  ** **_ former templar _ ** **. As I said, I finally get it. Usually, I pick up on things fairly quickly, but I guess I hadn’t wanted to accept the truth with you. But don’t worry, I understand now.” **

Laurelin was glaring at him now. ** “Apparently, you don’t! You are interpreting what you think you’re hearing into your own version of the truth!” **

Cullen sighed. Her voice was rising considerably. She either was oblivious to their surroundings and the gathering crowd, or she didn’t care. So, he finally just grabbed her hand and drug her back to her cabin. She wasn’t giving him any resistance. In fact, she was keeping pace with him pretty well. When they got to her door, he opened it, intending to shove her inside, but she was already storming in. He walked in after her and slammed the door behind him. He knew it didn’t look good to go into her cabin with her and shut the door, but it was better than fighting in front of everyone. Besides, he wasn’t planning on them being in here long enough to give the impression that they were doing anything improper.

He backed her against the wall partition, which was only a few feet away, and he rested one of his hands on it next to her head. He kept his voice low.

** “How exactly was I supposed to interpret what you said, Laurelin? You accused me of revealing anything you share with me to other templars. By the Maker, you think I would give information to the Order that would destroy your clan! What other way is there to interpret that?” **

At least she had the decency to wince and look embarrassed.  ** “I know... I let my fears consume me, and they influenced my words! I do that, and I’m sorry! When it comes to my clan, to protecting my people, I let my fears consume me. I shouldn’t have been so harsh with my words. But you were a templar, Cullen! How am I supposed to trust...” **

Cullen clenched his gloved hand that he had resting by Laurelin’s head. He was losing his control, and every time she spoke, he felt it getting thinner and thinner. He finally just reached up and put his other hand over her mouth. Better that than him snapping. He sighed as he watched her eyes widen in surprise and then narrow in anger a moment later. He spoke through gritted teeth.

** “Just stop. I get it. I was an awful templar. You want nothing to do with me. Yes, your words were harsh, but  ** ** you ** ** obviously meant them. Let's just leave it at that and go train. Whether you like it or not, you still need to.” **

She was positively glaring at him. He wasn’t going to lie and say he didn’t enjoy that a little bit. He was afraid he’d see fear in her eyes. She spoke about him like he was some scary beast. But how she  _ spoke  _ to him and how she  _ looked  _ at him were quite different. Cullen saw anything but fear. And really? That actually comforted him. Here he was, at the end of his ability to hold onto his control and temper, something that terrified him, and she wasn’t the least bit scared for herself. The woman who claimed that she worried about him being a templar never seemed to actually be frightened of him.

Laurelin reached up and yanked his hand down. She tried to drop his hand after that, but he simply turned his hand, gripped her wrist, and shoved it up against the wall next to her head. He held it there against the wall. Again, she seemed surprised at first, but she quickly adjusted and glared at him in anger. She wasn’t trying to pull her arm away from him, though.

** “If y ** ** ou would let me speak, Commander, I would explain exactly what I was trying to say earlier. Yes, I said it badly. ** **** ** I’m sorry. I really am. When I think of my clan, my emotions and fear take over and my mouth speaks before my brain does. That’s what happened before, and I...” **

Cullen growled,  ** “You’re doing it again. Either explain yourself or, for the love of Andraste, shut up!” **

There was the glowing in her eyes that he liked. She was pissed off.... She was pissed off and he was enjoying it. What was wrong with him?

** “What I am trying to say, Commander, is that in order for me to tell you about why I don’t like fighting, I would have to give you details about my clan and our history, as well as my own. In order for you to truly understand, I would have to explain how I became my clan’s First. I wouldn’t give that information to you or to any human! Humans haven’t been shown to handle our  ** ** Dalish ** ** secrets very well.” **

Cullen leaned forward until his face was just inches from hers.  ** “I would never share anything you would tell me with anyone else, let alone the Order. I don’t even speak to current templars any longer. I think you’re simply making excuses.” **

Some of the anger left Laurelin’s eyes and was replaced with confusion.  ** “Why would I be making excuses?” **

** “So that you don’t have to share anything meaningful with me. Perhaps you truly don’t think of me as a templar any longer, but you’re willing to use that as an excuse to avoid opening yourself up and becoming vulnerable.” **

Laurelin looked completely confused.

** “What... what are you talking about, Cullen?!” **

He pressed just a little on her wrist and moved his body closer to hers.  ** “ ** ** You speak of your fear of templars. Yet, you have a former templar holding you to a wall. I could break your wrist, snap your neck, or...” **

He brushed his leg against the outside of one of hers. He heard her breath catch in her throat, and she was looking anything but scared.

** “... I could take advantage of the situation. Yet, you’re not fighting me. Why is that?” **

Laurelin looked at him as if he had lost his mind,  ** “Wha... what are you talking about? ** **** ** You would never do that. I know you.” **

He scoffed.  ** “You don’t really know someone until you’ve seen their dark moments. You don’t know what I’ve done or what I’m capable of doing. As you said, I used to be a templar, after all.” **

Laurelin actually shrugged. ** “Well, that may be true, but even if you somehow became this frightening monster, I can defend myself. You’ve seen that. I’d simply form a barrier and either leave or wait until you came to your senses. You can’t hurt me, Cullen.” **

He let her words sink in. He had started this line of questioning to see if she truly did still see him as a templar, if she was scared of him. But his own fears of hurting her or anybody else had started to manifest. He found himself sharing more than he had meant to. However, her response had soothed a part of his soul that he didn’t even know was hurting. Even if he completely lost control, which he was terrified of doing, she could protect herself. No, she wouldn’t fight back, but that didn’t matter. She could defend herself against him. 

Cullen let out a deep, relieved sigh. He was worried about hurting someone, either becoming the monster he was after Kinloch, or losing his control due to  lyrium withdrawal. He had been suppressing those fears for so long, though, that he had almost forgotten about them. They had just become something he lived with.

But here was one person that, if that did happen, could protect herself. She wasn’t some piece of glass that would shatter if he did somehow lose the  control he clung so tightly to.

He felt like a huge burden had been lifted from him. He felt exhausted... exhausted but relieved. He loosened his grip on her wrist and stepped back slightly.

Laurelin slipped past him. ** “Well, let’s get training, Commander. You and Cassandra think I need to be able to attack, so... let’s go.” **

Cullen shook his head and looked at Laurelin’s retreating back. He was still upset, and they hadn’t solved the problem of her distrust. He still hated that she thought he might ‘slip up’ and reveal anything she told him to other templars. She pissed him off more times than he could count... But she was safe around him. He didn’t have to worry about breaking her like he did with other people. 

He groaned and started slowing walking after her. He was not looking forward to this first training session.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is where the training scene from chapter 1 would take place. Feel free to re-read it to refresh your memory! The chapter after this will take place after the training session and will be in the story's present time.


	15. Golden Dream Pt. 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We are in present time in the story now. This chapter and the following two will finally reveal more about Laurelin and her clan. I actually wrote these chapters toward the beginning when I was creating an outline for the story and flushing out the characters. They will also explain the title of the story.

***** Back to present ****

Later the next morning, Cullen emerged from his tent feeling calmer and more in control. Yes, he still had his regular nightmares, but when he had a chance to spend some time with Rosa, he seemed to wake up a little easier and less burdened. He still couldn’t shake the feeling that he was using her, but he was too selfish to put a stop to their arrangement.

Before Cullen went to the Chantry building, he wandered down to the soldiers’ tents by the lake, as he did every morning. He watched as Rylen led the soldiers in basic exercises to limber them up and begin to engage their minds for the day. Rylen would prep the soldiers while Cullen either grabbed breakfast at the tavern or sparred with Cassandra. Then, he would meet in the War Room with the other advisors and Laurelin. He would then be relieved in the late morning for a couple hours. Then, Cullen would run new drills and scenarios with the soldiers while reviewing Inquisition reports the pages would bring to him. Finally, he would drill the soldiers for a couple hours before night fell. But now, he only did that for an hour and then trained Laurelin for the final hour.

This morning was, thankfully just like the other mornings Cullen had experienced since joining the Inquisition. He enjoyed routine, thrived on it, depended on it. The sun was shining over the lake, causing it to sparkle, and bright flashes from the metal swords filled his morning.

Something caught his attention out of the corner of his eye. It was coming out of the nearby wooded area to the south. His hand instantly gripped the hilt of his sword as he turned his head, but his hand relaxed when he recognized Laurelin, even with face obscured from the hood on her brown cloak. What was she doing emerging from the woods at this early hour?

He watched in confusion as she walked down the path, away from the woods, her strides elegant and her movements certain. She was making her way toward the town’s gate and would soon intercept him. Having already released the frustration at her from yesterday, Cullen shifted back and turned toward her when she reached the gate.

** “Good morning, Herald.” **

He saw Laurelin jump in surprise and jerk her head up in his direction. He watched as her eyes shifted from surprise to recognition. He didn’t realize that you could surprise an elf. He always assumed their keen hearing and eyesight would make it impossible. She must have been deep in thought.

Laurelin seemed to remember herself and inclined her head in Cullen’s direction. When she spoke, her voice seemed distant. It wasn’t as direct and sharp as it normally was, toward him, anyway.

** “Good morning, Commander. I apologize. I did not see you at first.” **

Cullen rotated one of his shoulders to stretch it out as he observed Laurelin.  ** “It’s fine, Herald. I hope you have had a good morning so far.” **

He heard a soft sigh before her voice filled his ears,  ** “It’s alright. I’m glad to see you are feeling better this morning.” **

Cullen nodded and opened the gate door for her.  ** “Yes, I am... I am sorry for my behavior yesterday. I was angry and...” **

Laurelin shook her head and stepped through the door into Haven.  ** “It’s fine, Cullen.” **

Now that they were away from the soldiers, they could use their names with each other instead of their titles.

** “We all have bad days. You are allowed to, as well. Besides, I think the training went well.” **

Cullen laughed softly.  ** “Alright... I’ll let you believe that for now.” **

He smirked at her. He was a little surprised to see that Laurelin’s gaze had fixed on his mouth when he did that. For some bizarre reason, it just made his smirk grow. He walked through the gate after her and closed the door behind him. Then, he stood and stared down at Laurelin, waiting for her response.

Finally, Laurelin seemed to come out of whatever fog she had found herself in and snapped her eyes up to his. He could see her jaw tighten and her eyes blaze briefly. She straightened up and nodded to him.

** “Well, I think it went as well as could be expected. I will see you later in the War Room, Cullen.” **

He gestured toward the tavern in the distance.  ** “Perhaps we could have breakfast together, now?” **

Cullen was referencing the earlier breakfast invitation that he had given Laurelin days ago. He watched as Laurelin’s eyes shifted from him to where he was gesturing, the tavern, and back. She did this a few times and looked more and more uncomfortable. Cullen started to suspect that the noise and energy in the tavern might make her uncomfortable, especially if she did indeed spend the majority of her life with her clan in the depths of a quite forest. At least, he hoped that was the reason she was looking as if she wanted to bolt and not due to the idea of eating breakfast with him.

** “ ** ** Er.. ** ** We could order our food and take it somewhere else, if you prefer, someplace a little calmer.” **

Laurelin looked back at him sharply and her eyebrows furrowed, eyes flashing. He recognized that look on her face well. Did she think that he was even challenging her with this, with where they would eat breakfast? Perhaps she simply found eating at the tavern a challenge she had to overcome. 

He could have sworn he heard her huff before she gathered the ends of her cloak and started trudging, well, as much as an elf can trudge, toward the tavern.

** “Nonsense Cullen. The tavern is quite adequate.” **

Cullen couldn’t stop the amused chuckle that escaped his lips as he followed her.  ** “I’d hate to see how you’d react if I suggested we eat with Varric and try to consume whatever it is he makes in the mornings. You might actually challenge yourself into eating that concoction, and I’d be roped in with you.” **

He had to stop quickly and maneuver himself so that he didn’t crash into her as she abruptly stopped in the doorway of the tavern and fixed him with a frown.

** “Are you suggesting I’d behave irresponsibly simply because you challenged me to something, Cullen? While I do believe in improving oneself, I am not a reckless moron.” **

Her dark green eyes sparked at him with annoyance. A strand of light fell over sections of Laurelin’s pitch-black hair that were peeking out from under her cloak. It made her hair appear almost... purple where the light touched it. Cullen looked from the beautiful light streak in her hair to her snapping green eyes.

Both Cullen and Laurelin stood staring at each other silently in the doorway to the tavern, Laurelin in annoyance and Cullen in appreciation. An energetic voice broke them out of their reverie.

** “Morning Commander... Herald! Welcome! I don’t believe I’ve had the honor of having you here. Please, what can I get for you?” **

Cullen and Laurelin quickly broke their fixed gaze on each other, a flush creeping up their necks and faces. Cullen rubbed the back of his neck and Laurelin huffed and spun around to fully enter the tavern, her long loose hair smacking against his armored chest.

Cullen walked up to stand beside Laurelin at the bar, and he noticed how every pair of eyes was fixed on Laurelin after they had heard  Flissa’s exclamation. Laurelin, for her part, was focused on  Flissa .

** “Hello... umm...” **

Cullen leaned over slightly and whispered in Laurelin’s ear,  ** “ ** ** Flissa ** ** ” ** . He swore he saw her shiver slightly.

Laurelin nodded,  ** “ ** ** Flissa ** **! Yes, good morning,  ** ** Flissa ** **. Thank you, umm, for your... greeting?” **

Cullen took pity on Laurelin, not having heard her stumble like this before. She was clearly out of her comfort zone, not that he blamed her. He couldn’t image how odd it was to have people openly worship and stare at you. Not to mention the added difficulty of Laurelin having to quickly adapt to being around countless humans when she likely could count on one hand the number of humans she had encountered in the past. She had done well with Master Dennet, but this was entirely different. He turned to Flissa and nodded to the cheery bartender, smiling in greeting.

** “Good morning,  ** ** Flissa ** **. I’ll have my usual.” **

He turned to look at Laurelin and waited for her to order. After a few silent moments, however, she was still staring blankly at  Flissa , and Cullen saw a flush start to heat her cheeks. He had assumed that she had ordered food from pages at least, even if she had never come to the tavern before. Thinking back on the few times he saw her outside of the War Room, though, he always saw her eating with Solas off to the side of the Chantry building, next to the grove of trees. Perhaps he had done all the ordering for her in the past.

Cullen cleared his throat and looked at Flissa. He didn’t know what elves normally ate, but he remembered what Solas had given her when they had been in the Hinterlands.  ** “ ** ** Flissa ** ** , could you also bring over bread and porridge, please?” **

Flissa looked over to Cullen, studied his face for a moment, and then nodded, understanding seeming to pass between them. She looked at Laurelin and gave her a friendly smile. ** “Of course. It will be right up. Please, feel free to take a table. ** **** ** There seems to be an empty one in the far corner in the back.” **

Laurelin practically darted away from the bar and quickly, though quite gracefully, wove herself through the crowds and chairs. She narrowed in on the table in the back immediately and sat in the chair closest to the corner. She tugged on her hood to bring it even further over her head, as if she was trying to hide from the world. It did little to discourage the blatant staring from nearly everyone in the tavern.

Cullen sighed softly in sympathy and then turned to  Flissa , smiling slightly at her as he placed a few coins on the bar. He made sure to toss in a couple extra coins for her help and patience. Flissa smiled kindly at him and winked.

Cullen turned away from the bar and headed over to the table Laurelin sought haven at. He greeted various people he knew as he made himself through the crowd, clapping a few on the shoulders in friendly greeting.

As Cullen took the seat opposite from Laurelin, he heard her faintly chanting in a foreign language, in what he assumed was elvish. Her eyes were closed and her chin was tucked to her chest as one of her hands was clutching the edge of cloak. Cullen didn’t want to interrupt her, so he remained silent and waited for her to finish. He wondered if it was some sort of prayer to her gods. Or, perhaps it was akin to the Chant of Light, something he recited when he was stressed and needed to focus his thoughts.

After a few minutes, when most of the people in the tavern had turned away from staring at Laurelin and gone back to their conversations, her voice grew silent. A few beats later, she opened her eyes and fixed her gaze on Cullen. Cullen’s breath caught in his throat, and he absently wondered if he was ever going to get used to the color and intensity of her eyes. Her brown cloak served to further enhance their deep green color as the hood framed her face.

When he realized that Laurelin was waiting for him to say something, Cullen cleared his throat and searched for words, any words to fill the awkward silence between them.

** “Well, that was.... different.” **

Laurelin frowned and huffed at him.  ** “Well, I apologize, Cullen, for not being experienced in the type of food humans might have available in such an establishment.” **

Well that didn’t go as he had planned. He had been referring to the stares that had fallen on her as soon as she had entered the tavern and how awkward she must have felt. It was always a  tossup how their conversations would go. They had had a couple of nice conversations, but they had also had numerous arguments. The attention she was receiving in the tavern and the awkwardness she must be feeling likely led to her being irritated.

Cullen sighed and reached up to rub the back of his neck with his gloved hand.  ** “I apologize, Laurelin. I didn’t mean to anger you. I was referring to the attention you garnered when you entered. I’m certain that was not a pleasant experience.” **

Laurelin sighed and looked at Cullen with a pained looked on her face.  ** “No, it is I who should apologize Cullen. I’m sorry I misunderstood your meaning and snapped at you.” **

She sighed again and looked out one of the nearby windows where a large tree could be seen in the distance.  ** “I’m not sure what I’m doing, to be perfectly honest. I am trying... I am trying so hard to do my tasks as... Herald... adequately, and I’m trying to learn as much and as quickly as I can about humans.” **

Laurelin looked back at him.  ** “Solas is teaching me as best he can. Cassandra is a wonderful help as well. It’s just so... much.” **

Cullen nodded in understanding, and leaned back when their food was brought over to them. His regular breakfast was eggs and ham with a small bowl of fruit on the side as well as toast and melomel to drink (mead with fruit).

A bowl of porridge was set down in front of Laurelin as well as a basic mug of mead. She looked at it and then nodded her head as she picked up the spoon that had been placed next to her.

** “This is a common meal Solas brings in the mornings. He said it is a basic human staple and that it is the best option for an elf until they become more accustomed to human food. I thought I would have become accustomed by now, but I also think stress has a part to play.” **

Cullen nodded.  ** “I remember that he gave you the porridge while we were travelling in the Hinterlands. So, I thought that would be the best option this morning.” **

Laurelin looked back up at Cullen and actually gave him a small, grateful smile. Cullen tried to ignore the warmth he felt spreading in his chest.

** “You remembered? Well, thank you, Cullen. This was an appropriate choice.” **

Cullen could feel the heat rising in his cheeks. Thankfully, Laurelin began eating small bites of her porridge, so hopefully she had missed his flushed cheeks. He cleared his throat and began taking off his gloves.

** “So, if you don’t me asking, Laurelin, what is the typical food you might eat back home?” **

Laurelin finished her bite and then looked back up at Cullen. She stared at him for so long that Cullen cleared his throat again, picked up his fork and began eating his breakfast, starting with his eggs. He didn’t think that a simple question such as what type of food she would eat back home was that personal, but apparently, she didn’t want to...

** “Venison, rabbit, herbs... We also enjoy local fruit and berries.” **

Cullen was relieved that she had indeed answered him and shared a little bit about herself and her life back home. He was surprised to hear that her kind did indeed eat meat. Although, she had tried the rabbit Varric made, and she had said that her people ate rabbit frequently. He smiled softly at the memory of that night. He had thought, though, that the rabbit might have been the rare exception in their diet, if they didn’t have anything else to eat. For some reason, he just hadn’t thought elves regularly ate meat. He cleared his throat and put his fork down. 

** “You do eat meat? I know you said in the Hinterlands that your people ate rabbit, but I didn’t know you ate other meat as well.” ** He moved his bowl of fruit over next to Laurelin and then sat back in his chair.

Laurelin immediately began to protest. ** “Oh, no, Cullen, I don’t want to take your...” **

Cullen shook his head and waved away her protests.  ** “Don’t worry about it. I have plenty.” **

He arched one of his eyebrows and looked at her bowl of porridge, chuckling lowly,  ** “And it’s quite obvious that you don’t particularly enjoy the porridge. You’ve had, what, 4 bites?” **

Laurelin looked at Cullen, and when she heard him chuckle lowly, the corner of her own mouth ticked up and a soft, musical laughter came through her lips. That sound... Maker’s breath. It reminded Cullen of that night in the Hinterlands when she had been laughing with Varric. Her laughter had entranced him then with its beautiful melody, just as it was doing so now. Her entire face lit up as she was laughing. Andraste save him, who was this creature in front of him?

** “Uh... yes, your observation on my opinion of the porridge is correct. It can be hard to eat it when you compare it to this fruit, and especially if you have had it nearly every morning for the past 3 weeks.” **

Cullen laughed at that, half because of what she said and half because he was enjoying the relaxed atmosphere that was building around them. He enjoyed her sense of humor, on the rare occasion that he got to experience it, that is.

Laurelin took her spoon and ate a piece of mango in the bowl. She actually closed her eyes and sighed in pleasure. Cullen smirked but averted his gaze and attention to his own breakfast. He didn’t want to look at that image in front of him for too long. It was already searing itself into his brain.

** “Well, let me know what your favorite fruit is, and I’ll see if we can get it brought in.” **

Laurelin’s eyes popped open and her dark eyebrows shot up in apparent surprise at Cullen’s offer, her spoon still in her mouth. He was actually surprised at himself, as well, for making such an offer and for doing it so easily without thinking. Her bright red cheeks made him clear his throat and focus on his own breakfast.

After a few minutes, Laurelin took a break from eating and began to respond to Cullen’s earlier question. Cullen took a glance at the fruit bowl and chuckled softly when he saw that she had already finished 2/3 of the bowl.

** “My people do eat meat, in reference to your earlier question. ** **** ** We have hunters after all. We hunt the local wildlife wherever we happen to be located at the time. And, uh, my favorite fruit would have to be oranges...” **

He must have been staring at her, because the soft flush began to color her cheeks again and she looked down at her porridge. 

Cullen cleared his throat and tried to change the subject.  ** “So, Laurelin... That is an interesting name. What does it mean?” **

Seeming thankful for the conversation to focus on, she quickly answered him,  ** “The easiest human translation of it is ‘song of gold’.” **

Cullen’s eyes widened.  ** “That’s... beautiful.” **

Laurelin looked at Cullen in surprise, obviously not expecting him to say such a thing. This time, she couldn’t hope to hide the bride red color that seeped into her face and neck. She even began to stutter as she looked at a spot on the table near Cullen’s hand.

** “Well, it’s just from... you see, when elves grow up... umm, the parents don’t name their children right away...  ** ** Fenedhis ** **** ** lasa ** **...” ** **** She propped her elbow on the table and rubbed her temple.

Cullen smirked and sat back in his chair, draping his elbow over the back of his chair. He had never seen this side of her before. He had seen her angry... Oh had he seen her angry, and so often at him. He had seen her calm and composed as she stared at the map in the War Room. He had seen her intensely focused when they had sparred yesterday. But this was the first time she seemed at a loss for words and composure. Cullen quite enjoyed it. He told himself it was because he had been on the receiving end of her ire so often, but something deep down told him that was not the complete truth.

Laurelin cleared her throat, took a deep breath, and began once more,  ** “Parents in our clan name their children either when they start to form a personality or when certain gifts appear. ** **** ** That way, our names have meaning and reflect a part of who we are.” **

She looked at Cullen before continuing. When Cullen nodded, showing he understood what she was explaining, Laurelin kept speaking.

** “When I was 12, my Keeper observed me interacting with two other girls from our clan near a pond. We were manipulating the Fade. We were twisting it around ourselves, sending it out to each other, and dancing through it. We caused it to... well, sing.” **

Cullen was completely silent and his brows furrowed. He didn’t understand. What did she mean that she could make the Fade sing? Yes, he frequently heard the song the  lyrium in his blood sang. He had heard of others who could hear a sound, a song from the Fade, but how could the Fade be manipulated in such a way, that a person could affect its song? Why would someone do that, what was the purpose? Was it dangerous? Could they lose control of it? The Fade wasn’t exactly something you wanted to play with, as Cullen knew quite well.

Apparently Laurelin took his expression for one of confusion, as she continued, trying to explain herself. ** “The Fade has a natural song to it. If people stop and really focus, they can hear it. However, only a select few, and only elves that I am aware of, can manipulate the Fade in a way that the song can change. My friends and I are three of those individuals. When I manipulate it, the Fade appears gold to nearby eyes. ** **** ** I don’t know if only elves can see the color change or if other species are able to as well.” **

Laurelin smiled and continued when Cullen didn’t say anything.  ** “Actually, my friend’s name is  ** ** Culúrien ** ** , which means golden red singer, roughly translated to your language. She turns the Fade red, obviously. It is quite similar to your name, is it not?” **

Cullen continued to look at her. He had no idea what to make of this new information. His templar side had alarm bells going off. Manipulating the Fade? Causing it to change colors, to sing? But, his purely human side? He couldn’t deny that he was fascinated in what he was hearing. It sounded impossible but also beautiful and magical.

He would make sure to keep an eye on her, even more than he already had been, to make sure their Herald was indeed the Maker’s blessing and not a demon’s curse. He could feel no ill-intent from her, though, and Cullen was very good at sensing evil. And if she was evil, why would she be working on closing rifts and, eventually, the large breach in the sky? It didn’t make sense, just as Cassandra had said.

He was also constantly fighting the templar part of himself that saw danger every time magic or the Fade was involved. He didn’t want to immediately assume that all magic users were suspicious and easily corrupted, as he had after Kinloch Hold. He knew there were good and well-intentioned magic users that existed. He insisted that he was no longer a templar, and while he respected the organization, he knew that it had lost its way lately. If he truly wanted people to believe he was no longer a templar, then he couldn’t keep responding as one.

** “Is that what your...” ** He gestured to his own face.  ** “Uh, tattoos, are about as well?” **

Cullen watched as Laurelin’s eyes widened, and her eyes were already naturally wide. Her face grew even paler and... was she shaking? What in Andraste’s name... What was going on? What had he said?!

Cullen reached forward, trying to calm her down.  ** “Wait, Laurelin, what’s wrong? I’m sorry if I overstepped...” **

He wasn’t able to finish what he was trying to say. Laurelin was already standing, attracting the gaze of those who still remained in tavern.

** “I... I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to....”  ** Her voice was faint, shaky, almost scared.

Cullen also stood and placed his hands on her upper arms, trying to calm her down, but Laurelin was already breaking out of his grasp. She was running away, out the door, with a brief, “thank you for breakfast” tossed over her shoulder.

Cullen just stood glued to the spot, staring after her fleeing form. What in  Thedas had just happened? They were actually talking civilly to each other, having an entire conversation, and then it was as if some flip had been switched and she bolted. He was running everything that was said through his mind, and then he realized what had happened. She had revealed more about herself and her clan than she ever had before. While Cullen was thrilled about that, he knew from their previous conversations that it was something Laurelin never wanted to do, especially with him.

Cullen pinched the bridge of his nose and hissed out lowly,  ** “Fuck!” **


End file.
